Nine Month Blues

If you can't be careful, try to be good
Well, we cared and we cared as much as we could
We always agreed, me and my man
We said someday we'll try the family plan
The first thing we tried was nothing at all
It was an amateur ride and everything still falls
We tried it my times, followed my moon
But then someday came a little too soon

I got the nine month blues
Too much gain, too much to lose
But he was kind of happy when he heard my news
I got the nine month blues

There was him and me and the baby make three
But we made up our minds to stay that way
With little ditty things made of rubber and such
Accosted by friends we decide to go dutch
When they said "I do" it was a solemn oath
So we did and we did and it cleaves us both
Still can't figure out what when wrong
But that's the first line of the nine month song

I got the nine month blues
Too much gain, too much to lose
Get out the dress and the sensible shoes
I got the nine month blues

I said this time around I'm gonna catch my stone
I'm gonna have a chance to call my life my own
But the SPC and FDA, they said to keep that child, don't fling it away
The doctor said he had the right to refuse
The law says if you want to beat the noose
You gotta be rich but near your grave
So away we went again on the nine month rave

I got the nine month blues
Too much gain, too much to lose
And that time around I got him to choose
I got the nine month blues

The next thing we tried was the capital P
An I-L-L is what that made me
My head burst open and then I nearly went crazy
And then my moon started rising every 14 days
I said I may be sick but I'm safe and free
We started making honey like a couple of bees
One monday morning I must have forgot
Dropped me right back to the nine month slot

I got the nine month blues
Too much gain, too much to lose
Won't my old man be happy when he hears my news?
I got the nine month blues

I got kids everywhere, two, three, four, five
I just can't swim without taking the dive
I went for advice, he says to me
He said the next thing to try is the IUD
But the small loopa dee loop
Has a margin of error then you're in the soup
But your kid will be normal so don't you fret
Even though you're in it for the nine month bled

I got the nine month blues
Too much gain, too much to lose
I better get my old man to disconnect this tubes
I got the nine month blues

I love my man, I love my kids
But if I have anymore I'm gonna blow my lid
It's not just the forty weeks that are on my mind
It's also the washing hanging on my life
It could be the worry of an old man's face
Thinking about the future of the female race
It all began with a love and a laugh
But then so much care such a long time after

Every nine month blues
Too much gain, too much to lose
Now don't you think we oughta have the right to choose
I got the nine month blues