Never Trust A Man Without A Horribly Embarrassing Secret

[Part 1: Jeff Rosenstock]
Remember when we danced at shows?
Before we all stood in the back
We sang guilty pleasures so damn loud our lungs were sore
The competition can't compete with that

I guess I got back on the horse
As I get on another plane
I'll try to ride it less, mom, and be more responsible
But we both know dad and I are the same

So I need damage control
Another shot of whiskey goes down easy, my reputation does exceed me
Fire in the hole
Soon I'll be falling backwards as expected

I don't know if I wanna do this for you
Yeah, I don't know if I gotta do this for you
Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna do this for you
Yeah, but I'll do this for me

This isn't how I pictured me
Standing on the side, pocketing hands
Answering your questions boringly and humorless
I'm not as important as you think I am

I don't want to make new friends
My friendships always end up in a blaze
I just wanted to be something that I'll probably never be
A happy, well-adjusted human being

So I need damage control
Another shot of whiskey goes down easy, my reputation does exceed me
Fire in the hole
Soon I'll be falling backwards as expected

I don't know if I wanna do this for you
Yeah, I don't know if I gotta do this for you
Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna do this for you, Yeah, but I'll do this for me

[Part 2: Jeff Rosenstock & 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘢 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘩 𝘚𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘰]
Me, I won't impress
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦
I'll bore you with kindness
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘦

You don't need damage control
Another shot of whiskey goes down easy, my reputation does exceed me
Fire in the hole
Soon I'll be...

Falling backwards, stealing your beers
Crying loudly, singing Green Day
Pumping my fist, getting stared at
Making phone calls saying that I miss the days back when I had real fun

I don't know if I wanna do this for you
I don't know if I gotta do this for you
And I'm sure as shit not gonna do this for you
But I'll do this for me

So it can be my fault
It can be my fault
It can be my fault
Yeah