Need Some Peace

Been stuck on writer’s block like a verbal lobotomy
Spitting murder but talk is cheap
Cause without you i’m lost but I still hear you calling me

I just wanna talk, but you curving me constantly
Wanna be a gentleman, but i’m acting so sloppily

Popped too many pills, I swear I feel it hollow me out
To the shadow of the person that I thought I’d be now

Always ran from criticism, thought they were calling me out
Now i know i’m not a victim, I should’ve just heard em out

Cuz now i feel so lonely
Remembering the times you were truly my one and only
Before you had to get horny and fuck around with my homie
But even before that, our relationship was corroding

Should’ve done more tryna save it but was busy getting faded
Head up in the clouds, I couldn’t hear you call on me

Baby girl how did you even fucking fall for me?
I feel like such a goddamn monstrosity

[Chorus]
Seem’s like i spend way too many nights just lying in my bed
Thinking bout the women i have lost, these thoughts don’t ever rest

I know i can’t ever right the wrongs or change the things i’ve said
So i’m tryna write a song to get the memories out my head
I need some peace

[Verse 2]

As the seasons change
Funny how things don’t ever feel the same, 'cause now i feel insane
You were my fire in the summer, now the ashes cold
And my heart feels frozen over like I sold my soul

But I’m not alone
Lotta demons in this broken home
Screaming and searing me down to the bone
In this past year, so much I’ve grown
But i take comfort in the fact that I’ve got more to go

Got a chosen few still by my side
And though they in it to win it, I know they down to ride
Plottin' on our time to rise
Mixing and mastering my craft, but still sad you’re not by my side

You were so damn fine, but wasn't the right time
You got a unique mind and those deep blue eyes
We’re living different lives with different goals in mind
You meeting all these people I knew at different times

Wish i couldn’t say that I didn’t try
Cause maybe you’d be here instead of on my mind
Think I was scared I’d lose you in time
From the shit you’d find If I let you inside

Well i wasted yours, cause i was taking mine
I let “what if” worries bring my fears to life

And for what it’s worth, I hope that you find
What I couldn’t be in a future guy

[Chorus]
Seem’s like i spend way too many nights just lying in my bed
Thinking bout the women i have lost, these thoughts don’t ever rest

I know i can’t ever right the wrongs or change the things i’ve said
So i’m tryna write a song to get the memories out my head
I need some peace

[Verse 3]

Speeding down back roads going home in the rain
I really don't know why I'm so much pain

I thought I should be happy, girl I finally got to meet ya
I thought you had shared my feelings but if so, I didn't feel it

I don't know what I was thinking, think I got my hopes up
Every time I catch feelings seems my trust get torn up

And then I go to polar opposites, open to closed up
Until all I feel is cold, like emotions just froze up

I ain't gone choke up
You know what?
I'm kinda glad that this shit is sewed up, I need to slow up

Nearly fucked up my priorities
Regarding school and more importantly
Sobriety, I couldn't ever do the rest of this accordingly

Just happy that you only met the sober me
Cause the older me Would've prolly overdosed
To fill this hole in me

Spending all my money, acting like i can’t afford to think
Blunted, popping pills, let my feelings keep destroying me

I’m thinking that you never gave a damn
I'm thinking i was putty in your hand and you in mine was like sand

I guess that nothing really ever goes to plan
Cause i was thinking that i finally found a girl who understands

You got past the walls that guard the thoughts
That i keep locked inside my head

You did nothing wrong, yeah it’s my fault
II fucked up thinking you were someone i could trust in

And I ain't tryna blame you, this is all on me
Ain't no reason to hate you, but you still hurt me

So ima leave you be, that's what you need it seems
I’ll try to let you go and break your hold on me

And maybe hopefully, I’ll finally come to be
Fine by myself, well that’s the goal at least

Shit is sobering
To the sober me
All the baggage that i’m somehow still shouldering

Pain molded me, It had control of me

I did some fucked up shit trying to cope with me

I lived in sin, hated the skin i’m in

But i didn’t do shit to get over it
Didn’t think that i’d ever get close to it
I ain’t even think to hope for closure, shit

But now, so much shit has changed and i’m closing in
On the way to get out of this hole i’m in

[Chorus]
Seem’s like i spend way too many nights just lying in my bed
Thinking bout the women i have lost, these thoughts don’t ever rest

I know i can’t ever right the wrongs or change the things i’ve said
So i’m tryna write a song to get the memories out my head
I need some peace