My whole mood is blown.

[Verse]
I'm tired of thinking so much, lately that’s why I've been drinking so much
Been facing my demons so much
Now they just chill with me, die on this hill with me
Maybe if I can become what the world really wants then I'll get a break
Guess in the meantime I’ll focus on me time and try not to dwell on how much that it take
To let all the bullshit roll out for me, hoping the world can just stop for me, gimme a second
I'm fucking tired of taking the everyday pain and contorting it into a lesson
When I'm audacious enough to just say what I want, now I'm too busy blocking my blessings
The standards are doubled and tripled, quadrupled but somehow I'm crazy for sitting and stressing (wild)
Guess I'm a brat
Guess I'm a self-hating bitch 'cause I love being rich but don’t wanna be fat
Fuck a description, I’m too busy wishing on stars like I wanna be that
A regular woman who walk through the world with no weight on her back
No pun intended, hell yes, I'm offended, my body don’t do shit but rap
I'm not a token or hero for that, bitch I'm just breathing, lately I think for a reason
Also I finally get why the leaves are all dead and it's lifeless and dark for a season
Even the world need a rest
Even the world get depressed
Snow really nothing but the rain in the cold but we dance in it like it’s the best
Gimme the answer, this feel like a test
Nah for real, I don't know
So many places I wanna go, so many people I wanna meet
I'm in my apartment not tryna eat
I just wanna walk on the fucking street
Without thinking 'bout how much I weigh I mean just for a day left the granites up under me
Listen, I get it, my size is embedded in everything that I produce for you niggas
None of y'all know me, y'all not fucking homies, I'm tended to just let it loose on you niggas
Not an election, so stop the projections at home I just rap in the booth for you niggas
And get out my phone and start feeling alone, I got issues, and that is the truth for you niggas
Exclusive for niggas, I ain't in the business of coating my charm all in sugar
Everyone says if I looked like a ten then my problems would end and yeah, maybe they would've
They would be over, no criticism to shoulder
I could just fucking exist without being praised for wearing my face
Bitch, ain't nothing great 'bout looking like this
I'm just a girl who's after a dream
No impression on the scene
Wanna fuck with my head
'Cause I wanna be seen
I just wanna be loved
If I'll never be lean
But I'm fucking over forgiving the ones who were feign 'cause I know what they mean