My Thoughts On The Election

[Ethan Klein]
- I don't know if you guys heard, but, I'm kind of a big deal. I'm kinda famous. I don't know if you guys heard, okay. I made a Tweet last night and it kind of is a big fucking deal. Look at this goofy-ass shit.

[Newsreporter Lady]
- Um, guys, this has been incredible to watch. Social media, whether it's Twitter, uhm, Instagram, Facebook.

- Here we go. Speaker of The House Paul Ryan tweeted out "I want to congratulate Donald Trump on his incredible victory.... This has been a great night for our party, and now we must turn our focus to bringing the country together".

[Ethan Klein]
- Speaker of The House Paul Ryan, very important guy, one of the, one of the leaders of the Republican Party. Very important tweet. I wondеr what else, what other, uh, prominеnt figures had to say about the election.

[Newsreporter Lady]
- Clinton supporters also letting their thoughts be heard, Ethan wrote this one: "Congrats to everyone who supported Trump. I voted for Hillary but this is a democracy and I respect the process. He achieved the impossible".

[Ethan Klein]
- Ethan said this! They only showed two tweets the whole fucking program. Paul Ryan, and Ethan. Yo, what's up dude!

- Why the fuck are you putting me on TODAY next to Paul Ryan? Somebody got goofed in the newsroom hard! I swear to god I think they just saw my goofy-ass profile picture and thought I was Ken Bone, and just slapped my ass on the TV. (sighs).

- Now during the same report, something came up that I really wanted to talk about, let me show you guys.

[Newsreporter Lady]
- It's a closely contested race, there are still people resisting the results. The top search on Google throughout the night was this: "Canada Immigration". Social media filled with images showing Canadian official immigration site crash and it is still experiencing sporadic issues this morning.

[Ethan Klein]
- So apparently, so many people, when they found out that Trump won for Presidency, crashed the Canadian immigration site because they just wanted to move to Canada so bad. And to those people, I'd like to say this: You fucking cowards.

- So you're-you're candidate lost. And what are you going to do? Fucking jump ship? He won fair and square, you're gonna leave your problems for us to deal with? And you're gonna go to Canada.

- Which, by the way, is a perfect country too, I think you're sure to find that out once you get there. Stop being such fucking cowards and pussies, and just own the fact that, we lost!

- Now, every four years, every election I can remember, the losing side is always like, "this is the end of the world". They thought the world was gonna fucking end when Obama won for the Presidency. They thought this America was over, they're way of life was over, and they were moving to Canada. Everybody's moving to fucking Canada. Meanwhile Canada's building a wall being like "you stay the fuck out of our country"!

- I think whatever it is I'm trying to say, I'm sure President Obama said it more eloquently than me. And whether you love him or hate him please listen to this clip to give you some insight to where I'm coming from.

[Barack Obama]
- Regardless of which side you were on in the election, uh, regardless of whether your candidate won or lost, the sun would come up in the morning.

- Now, it is no secret that the President-elect and I have some pretty significant differences. But remember, eight years ago, President Bush and I had some pretty significant differences. We are now all rooting for his success. In uniting, and leading the country.

- We have to remember that, we're actually all on one team. This is an intramural scrimmage. We're not Democrats first, we're not Republicans first, we are Americans first.

[Ethan Klein]
- We are all Americans, and wanting Trump to do a bad job is like being on a airplane with a bunch of people you dislike, and hoping the pilot does a bad job so it crashes and kills everyone on board. K, we are all on this fucking ship together.

- And again, this reminds me of a handwritten letter that George Bush Sr. left Bill Clinton on the desk of the Oval Office when he came in. And it's one of the most touching, heartfelt American things I've ever read, and I think it's appropriate to share with you guys now.

[Ethan Klein reading George Bush Sr.'s letter]
- When I waked into this office just now, I felt the same sense of wonder and respect that I felt four years ago. I know you will feel that too.

- I wish you great happiness here. I never felt the loneliness some presidents have described. There will be very tough things, made even more difficult by criticism you may not think is fair.

- I'm not a very good one to give advice, but just don't let the critics discourage you or push you off course. You will be our President when you read this note. I wish you well. I wish your family well.

- Your success is now our country's success. I am rooting hard for you. Good luck.

[Ethan Klein]
- I don't know, that-that letter is so beautiful. "Your success is our country's success. I am rooting hard for you. Good luck". This, coming from his, from his political opponent. From a hard fought campaign, in which I'm sure everyone thought fire and brimstone was gonna rain from above, and the end of the world was coming.

- It genuinely moves me, it makes me wish for a time when, when we can embody such a, such a notion. And even though I didn't personally vote for Trump, I, am rooting for him. I want him to prove me wrong, I'm gonna give him a chance, you know, to be our leader. It's fucking insane, it's silly. Seems silly as hell that Trump's our fucking President.

[Choir of Girls]
President Donald Trump knows how
To make America great

[Ethan Klein]
- It's goofy-ass shit. Yeah, its goofy-ass shit. But god-damnit he won fair and fucking square, this is democracy, and I'm rooting for him, because his success is our success.

- And now, to people who voted for Hillary, who I completely fucking disagree with. Laci Green, not that she's taken that seriously, but she wrote this on Twitter:

- "We are under total Republican rule. Textbook fascism. Fuck you, white America. Fuck you, you racist, misogynist piece of shit, G'night".

- "Textbook fascism"? Do you have any fucking clue what fascism is? Fascism? He was elected in a democratic process, by as fair as it could be! He beat the shit out of Clinton! You can't go crying "this is fascism"! You got fucking stomped!

- And I think I know why, it's because normal people, who aren't racist, who aren't misogynist, are tired of being called fucking, "racist, misogynist, pieces of shit" by people like you! Cause people are tired of being like, feel like they're racist, misogynist pieces of shit, from this social justice warrior movement, where you can't possibly say anything, without offending someone, this cult of outrage, people are sick of it! And I think that had a huge part to play with why Trump won. So in a way, Laci, I think you should congratulate yourself, because you, and, people like you probably did more to elect Trump, than he ever did himself.

- Shay Carl writes "Hopefully in the morning you're ready to be more friendly", to which she responds, "go fuck yourself Shay". Yeah, yeah, I'd love for your perspective to be in charge. I'd love for you to be president. You'd definitely have the temperament and foresight and knowledge to make this a peaceful place right.

- Trump and Bernie are two sides of the same exact coin. People are sick, of, political correctness, social justice warrior, cult of outrage, and established politics. Voting for Trump was like a brick through the window, right? That's it, that's all it was, it was just a big "fuck you" to thirty, forty, fifty years of the same old shit.

- Ultimately guys, I've seen a lot of people I care about, a lot of people I love, and just generally a lot of hysteria. And, for me, its like guys, this happens every four years. "The sun will come up the next day" as Obama said. We will get through these four years, as a country, and the cycle will begin anew.

- And, uh, by the way, if anyone can get ahold of Melania Trump and get her to say "wow Ethan great moves keep it up proud of you", would, uh, really appreciate that, so, just throwing that out there Melania, if you are watching that, you can hit me up on Twitter.

- Wheres this channel gonna be without the support of the First Lady? Love each other. We are in this god-damn airplane together. And if the pilot's a piece of shit and he sucks, we're all going to fucking crash into the side of the mountain. So we gotta come together, and try to tell that guy how to fly this fucking plane, because if we scream at each other, and he hate each other, and we try to jump out and parachute to another plane, well guess what? We're still gonna crash. Or something, I don't know, I just want the "wow Ethan great moves keep it up proud of you".

- Guys, tomorrow we got Hugh Mungus, we raised 130-fucking-thousand dollars, that's a pretty great thing. Thats something we can all feel proud of. And whether you support Hillary, or Donald, or you feel like killing yourself, or moving to Canada, Hugh Mungus guys. We will always have Hugh Mungus.

- Please, I need that, "keep it up, proud of you, Ethan" so Trump, if you are watching this, please. This is not a joke, this is very urgent, our channel needs that. I can't use the intro anymore. I have like three months left to use the intro, this is not a joke. Please help.

[Outro: Michelle Obama]
- Wow, Ethan, great moves, keep it up, proud of you.