My Precarious Mind

I get scared sometimes
Paranoia coursing through my veins
I get a sense of defeat at times
Feeling nothing will change
In public I can feel the stares
The condescending remarks may have been left unsaid
But for some reason they're on repeat in my head

I want to enjoy the life I have
But my insecurities get the best of me
Creeping their way into my memory
Are images I never wanted to see
My defenses are weak to say the least
When can I expect to smile?
Smile at a new day

I feel weak most times
Like a stray remark would shatter my day
I feel like nobody cares at times
No one hears what I say
In my head you're all out to get me
I guess that's what they call
A victim mentality
I guess that's why I feel I'm gonna break
It's why a smile is so hard to fake

I want to enjoy the life I have
But my insecurities get the best of me
Creeping their way into my memory
Are images I never wanted to see
My defenses are weak to say the least
When can I expect to smile?
Smile at a new day

I can feel it coursing through my veins
I can hear it calling my name

I want to enjoy the life I have
But my insecurities get the best of me
Creeping their way into my memory
Are images I never wanted to see
My defenses are weak to say the least
When can I expect to smile?
Smile at a new day

Will it ever get better?
My precarious mind likes to wonder