My Lost Love and Addiction

[Intro]
You know, recently, man
I hit the lowest point of my fuckin' life
I became consumed entirely
And went completely fuckin' insane
So, I figured: what else to do but to write about it?
Let it inspire me a bit
So, that's what I did
And now I got something to say

[Verse 1]
This is my real life, straight verses, no fuckin' chorus
So come explore it, love me for it, or judge me for it
I layed in bed, flickin' smokes in an open piss bottle
I dropped like twenty pounds in a week
Goin' through withdrawals
I always said addiction's a flaw of the weak
Obviously; my addiction, it was stronger than me
'Cause man, I hit rock bottom heavy, fuckin' hard
My mother said she found me convulsing
And held me in her arms
My love left me at my worst point, bailed when I fell
Last words to me, I should be ashamed of myself
That last week of my demise
The damn needles I took a thousand
Would you have come to my funeral and put me down then?
I almost died multiple times in a week
So how can you live with yourself
When you're tryin' to sleep?
To know I could be so close to dyin', lyin' in peace
Would you still just think of yourself if I was deceased?
And yeah, I got aggressive in my blackout state
And I ain't sayin' now that that's okay
We were so in love, romancin'
You refused to give me another chance then
What happened to your best quality, bein' understandin'?
I love you… you're hatin' me
It crushed me, then it bugged you
People judged you for datin' me
Now it's no forgiveness for a past side I've shown to women
With you, you know its different
You should stick to your own opinion
Our only time together on house arrest, hate this shit
There's supposed to be so much more to this relationship
Can't even look in a fuckin' mirror to see my face in it
I've sat in the dark with a knife to my throat; craziness
And still, you would try to mess with me
You really wanna push it, with my suicidal tendencies?
If I died, would you cry? Why are you and I enemies?
I press my palms into my eyes
And picture you beside me endlessly
You hated my females fans, so you were jealous, fuck it
You're the first I ever trusted, therefore fell in love with
You're perfect, I was just addicted to this hellish substance
You are correct though, I am completely self-destructive
And I'm sorry, it'd never happen again
My mind's gone for that span of time
Don't know what was happenin' then
If I was that crazy baby, I'd be glad I was dead
I'm sorry you said you felt like
You'd never see your family again
And I don't blame you, you were great, you should be proud
What I was goin' through, it's insane you could put me down
Exes that I've ruined and crushed
Have called to see I'm movin' up
When you ain't even asked me how I'm fuckin' doin' once
And I hear what you're sayin', close ear to the ground
When I needed you most, you nowhere to be found
If you really were my girl you would've been supportive
With true love it's true love, you shouldn't have to force it
'Cause I believed in you, my heart fuckin' bleeds for you
Where the fuck is your precense
When I really fuckin' needed you?
Towards the end, drugs removed my soul
I am embarrassed you were there to see me lose control
So, where you the love of my life, or just some stupid ho?
I guess now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Interlude]
For now, but I will be back
And I am across the country, bettering my life
I transferred my conditions here
And you know I'm bettering my life
And don't let people get inside your head
And convince you 'cause I'm such a fuckin' terrible person
That I must have been terrible to you, and tricked you
You know me as an amazing man
'Cause that's exactly what I was to you, straight up
I love you, I miss you
And now the whole world knows I'm sorry
And this one's for my dawg, man

[Verse 2]
As an ex addict, Bruce, when I met you
You was clean as a judge, no reason for drugs
And surrounded yourself with people you loved
When we first started to click, yeah, we partied a bit
Who knew we'd reach that point
Where it'd be harder and harder to quit?
The first night I met your brother keeps replayin' with me
The character I embodied was smooth, I was dangerous, see
The "Genius On Drugs," so cool you was hangin' with me
He didn't know that I influenced you negatively
So when he seen us chillin', we was kings, he was proud
It breaks my heart to think of
What he probably thinks of me now
So with this I'm just reflectin', I'm constantly recollectin'
I got a younger brother too, Bruce, but you never met him
And he seen my darkness, said I don't got any good left
But even then he still wanna be followin' in my footsteps
And I betrayed 'em all, people who loved me to my core
My sister's always had my back—she doesn't anymore
So I look at my arm and the marks of needle penetration
'Cause the people who fuckin' love me
It leave 'em devastated
I guess we both got worse when you was outta control
But then I was sittin' in prison, bro, so how could I know?
And goin' through withdrawls in a prison cell, livin' hell
I know that feeling of pain
When you really wish you could kill yourself
I accepted it happened, be there a long time
They say every dog gets its day, I guess I got mine
I hit my house arrest, bail—lucky, I know
When we spoke some time later, it's been crushin' my soul
"I love you, Hollo," "Bruce, I always got love for you, bro."
That was the last thing I said as I fuckin' hung up the phone
Found out the next day, enraged, smashin' walls
Twenty-five, too young for a fuckin' man to fall
I wish I said somethin' more when you hadda called
A fuckin' hour later and you were dead in a bathroom stall
Why do we just enjoy it? Why do we love the posion?
You should've went out on a throne, bro, not a fuckin' toilet
My blood is boilin' at the thought of it, Bruce
You give yourself too much credit for how your tolerance grew? When you feelin' low on life
And needed that confidence boost
I'll take lines in your name
If they say it's what you wanted to do
And I never understood, but as of recent I knew
'Cause I was a needle or two away from bein' with you
And I'm sorry for the times that I was freakin' out
When you were with me, especially that time
I lost my mind while drivin' through the city
I wanted to honor your memory
And swear off, shootin' quickly
A year past, I'm still doin' the same shit—Bruce, forgive me!
I almost had my body into soft dirt
I swore I'd get better, but homie, it got a lot worse
And I was in that same weak place
So I couldn't fight for you; at your memorial
High on the same shit that took your life from you
I guess your father blamed me to people at the bar
I didn't hear it directly, it's like I seen it from a far
I told Whatevski there was somethin'
That I needed from his car
I cried for you, brother, and stuck another needle in my arm
I know, I know, it's fucked up, ain't it?
Friends don't know how to help, so that subject changes
"My parents is embarrassed" is an understatement
It's just amazin' I can function with all the drugs I've taken
But yo, I'm gonna stop though, Bruce
I ain't ready to die yet, G
Through your friendship and your death, it's inspired me
I need to wake the fuck up now, man
Find my dreams, conquer goals
And become everything we said we'd try to be
The tat of your names on the ribs on my side
So to know I'll keep you close to my heart
That fills me with pride
And I know I'm not responsible, but I'm guilty inside
'Cause I know if you'd never met me
Bruce, you'd still be alive