My Familiar

When my baby went to work today I pretended that she left me for good
I don’t even know why I did it

I just wanted to feel that loss
To know if I could take it
‘Cause no matter how good it’s going I know that inevitably
Invariably
And ineffably
I will fuck this up

I jilled off, took my girl pills and just sat in the car watching the birds
They’re coming or they’re going, I don’t know
I never kept good track of time

I just sat there and daydreamed for a while, wishing that was me, flying somewhere
With a purpose
No, an instinct
Not something pure but just
Something I could understand

I’d be drummin’ on the trees
Buzzing’ with the bees
Eatin’ sap
Not the crap that I’ve come to need

I would never speak a word
Sing & then be heard
Not a tweet
Just a beak
Just another bird—my familiar

I drove to our diner and sat at our booth and it felt empty without her
The waitress comes over and she asks “oh where’s your little girlfriend I always love seeing you two”
I feel dirty—damaged—no I feel naughty
Eating a fucking cheeseburger at 9 am all alone
Is this what it’ll feel like when things finally go south for us?

A plane passes overhead & it startles the birds
I watch them fly away
I just watch them fly away

My baby comes home and i tell her oh god i missed you and she says “i missed you too bug”
She asks if i’m okay
I tell her maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s these hormones but
I’m not quite feeling like myself