My Eating Disorder

Drug addict since single digits
Vitamins to fight the fidgets
They put something in my apple sauce but I found it

Now that I'm finally twenty-six
Just smother it with a cigarette
No, I haven't had dinner yet--what about it?

It would be so easy to say it was my parents that destroyed my brain
It was their drugs that drove me insane, I wouldn't be alone with all the blame
No, I never felt so free from sin as when I was screaming out "I can't win!"
If it's not too late to start again, open up that womb and I'll crawl right in

And when I refuse, don't begrudge me
I can feel you starting to judge me
I'm starting to feel, I'm feeling ugly

Opened my eyes to a severed head
Except I didn't know it was dead
Only that it bled and bled upon my plate

Now they pass me from hand to hand
Pharmacist to Marlboro Man
Back to pharmacist again, too late

I know the worlds a scary place--that's why I hide behind a hairy face
Blue Devils try to explain it way--blue devils started it in the first place
Nobody answers for me now, nobody else's job to figure out
Why I'm scared to open up my mouth, why there's so many things I can't allow

Probably easier just to eat at home
Better I should wait until I'm all alone
Then I stuff myself until I explode

Cream of my compulsion rising to the tip of the spout
Screaming and convulsing, now I'm gonna spit it out
An amorphous monster makes his home inside my house
Even now, stretched out on the couch
Waiting for the midnight hour until he gets loud

Yes, my body is some prison--why else keep it filled with poison?
No reason to celebrate, forget the milkshakes, Mom--it will take
More than a spoonful of sugar for me to swallow my pride this time
I decide what goes inside
I decide what goes inside my body
One more time, I decide
I decide what goes inside
I decide what goes inside my body
My eating disorder--it's inside me

Spit it out