My Dog Pal

Arthur
And now, a song about my dog, Pal, entitled "My Dog Pal," by Arthur Read, Mr. Ratburn's class.
(calm, soothing tune on the piano)
My dog Pal is better than all the rest
His doggy face makes any place the absolute best
Like dogs of a feather, we belong together
D.W.
Boring! Don't you want people to like your song?
Arthur
Well, yeah.
D.W.
Then sing about what people like. People like elephants. And you need an instrument that says "elephant." Here, use this tuba. Tuba rocks!
Arthur
(sings a somewhat lively tune and plays the tuba)
My elephant Pal was born upstairs
And fell through the ceiling
You shouldn't keep an elephant up there
If you must have an elephant
Keep it in the basement
Because that's too much weight to keep upstairs!
Buster
Hold it, hold it! That didn't happen. If you're gonna sing about stuff that didn't happen, why not make it science fiction? Science fiction is very popular. Could be a big hit.
Arthur
A big hit?
(sings to the tune of Strauss's "Waltz of the Blue Danube")
My elephant
Buster
My elephant
Arthur
Was born up on the moon
Buster
Born on the moon
Arthur
And floated upstairs
Buster
Floated upstairs
Arthur
There's less gravity there
Buster
Gravity there
Arthur
Elephants floating around
Buster
Floating around
Arthur
Zooming up, zooming down
Buster
Zoom zoom, zoom zoom
Arthur and Buster
Elephants in space helmets everywhere
In our remote moon-based home
Brain
Stop right there. An elephant would weigh loss on the moon, but would not float to the ceiling. You need accurate facts. Here. Use my elephant research.

Arthur
(classical tune)

Loxodonta, genus Loxodonta
Loxodonta, that's a pachyderm
Francine
Stop! Stop! Stop! I don't understand that. And if I don't, other people sure won't. People understand country music. Make it colorful with stripes and hats. Something you can dance to. Then everyone will love your song, Arthur.
Arthur
(performing country western tune)
A boy found a missin' elephant
Its owner was so grateful
She said
Mrs. Wood
"You deserve a big reward."
Arthur
He chose an elephant puppy
One with lots of stripes
It would never be ignored, yeehaw!
Now this little boy
Can go home and enjoy
His own personal striped elephant
Now you all will see
How happy he can be
Here on planet Schmellafint
Brain
Arthur, I looked it up. There is no such planet as "Schmellafint."
Arthur
None of the other planets rhyme with "elephant." But the rest of the song is good, right? Right?

Mrs. Wood
I don't know what this song is about.
Arthur
It's about my dog, Pal.
Buster, Francine and Brain
Huh?
Arthur
It used to go like this.
(performs original tune)
My dog Pal is better than all the rest
His doggy face makes any place the absolute best
Like dogs of a feather, we belong together (Pal wails)
Me and my dog Pal
Buster
Hey, that's not bad.
Brain
I like it.

Francine
Why didn't you sing that in the first place?

Arthur
I did, but D.W. said it was boring.

D.W.
(giggles nervously) I think I hear Mom calling. Bye!

Francine
Sing it again! Yeah!
All except Arthur, D.W. and Francine
Yeah!
Arthur
If you want to hear it again, start the track over. I'm exhausted.