My Childhood Requiem

My mother died coughin’ blood up
When I had just arrived from my job caught the bus up
Voices in my head like she’s dead, will you shut up!
I need this moment with my mother
Supported by insurance, we both could not afford it
These doctors have no pity, can’t have you here ’til the morning
You know the clock is tickin’, they gotta make that money
Capitalism at its finest, that’s why I hate this country
You doctors are some vultures, God forsaken hyenas
Don’t you see she’s had convulsions
Why don’t you people leave us? They do damage to my spirit
I came here to be different, such a innocent young man
What a burden did life give him, reminiscin' on my past
When I was on New Kirk Street just a innocent young lad
I thought no one would hurt me, I was victimized and bashed
As teenager was worse
Put a fork inside a pan, put it to my face and burned me
Why they make me do sleepovers?
They know this guy just burned me
How I end up in his room? Mama, he’s talkin’ dirty
All these words he use is sick, he’s sick
And I was just a kid bein’ raped
That’s cool, I bet I kill him when I’m big
Said he’d kill me if I tell so I held this livin' hell
Then got older couldn’t speak, I’m a man now so oh well
I can’t risk it being twisted ‘cause I’m masculine
I mask it in the fact that I’m African, what’s happenin’?
I’m trapped inside my mind
What happened was so vicious that it’s hard to see my kids leave
Or even childhood pictures ‘cause that image of myself
That helpless boy that nobody would help cuts my soul
So I hide and put that guy up on the shelf
But I decided to be free, to be honest, to release
What [?] this disease from my body is deceased
As the silence is defeat and he still dominates me
If I hide it and I flee so I jot it and believe
For the child who I don’t see in this bondage, fly with me
They do not define your life, you define to find your peace
I release you from the pain from the struggles in your brain
I know it’s hard, free your thoughts and your heart
Breathe again, it’s not your fault