My Brother Pete

My older brother is- he's three years older than I am, and one of those guys who's really really opinionated, and really really intelligent, which the two kinda go hand in hand, but he's also very single. I think part of the reason he always says these comments in public that are really offensive, because he thinks he knows how things should work in the world, and he doesn't have a spouse to tell him that he's wrong.
So for example, he and I wеre driving around trying to find a parking place one timе- this is going to make you hate my brother. But we were trying to find a parking place one time, and we couldn't find one, and he said, "man, those handicap parking places." I said, "what's wrong?" And he said, "it just frustrates me, it's so unfair." I said, "what's unfair about it?" He said, "they should be in the back since they get to roll." And I just looked at him like, how do you get through the day without getting beat up? I just can't even believe it! And then he says "well, I'm just kidding." And he's not really serious about it. But the fact that it ever crossed his mind. He uh, he's a great guy, and I really do love him. He's as giving as anyone I've ever met.
But God has balanced out my brother's really terrible opinionatedness with really terrible luck. So in any given situation the very worst thing always happens to my brother. Like, he got- he's one of those guys who gets two tickets in the same day. I remember one time, he set his yard on fire this summer. Like, he was out collecting branches, and he put them all in the pile that he always puts them in, set it on fire, went inside to get a drink, and while he was inside, he heard (*knocking sound*) and his neighbor was standing there and he goes, "your yard's on fire." And my brother just panicked and ran outside and forgot to put his shoes on. So he stomped the fire out, it was in the grass, it was spreading. And he stomped it out and burned the bottom of socks off, so they were just leg warmers. And then the fire department came and gave him a ticket!
So I decided to put one of my brother's stories to music, so here you go, this is entirely true, I promise.