Mr. Off-Broadway

Don’t bury me on Broadway, boys
The Bond sign spoils the view
When I am dust, erect my bust
On Second Avenue

Just lay me by the Phoenix
That’s good enough for me
Or if you’re able to find it
By the Theatre de Lys

Just put me on the Rooftop
Or by the Cherry Lane
And instead of a dirge
I would like to urge
That you sing this small refrain:

Ev’rybody calls me Mr. Off-Broadway
Although they know that’s really not my name
Still ev’rybody calls me Mr. Off-Broadway
‘Cuz it was many blocks off Broadway
Where I got my fame

I’ve played in every kind of house, in every kind of hall
I once played Cinderella in an empty shower stall:
The stage was kinda slippery, but I mean we had a ball!
Off-Broadway melody!

Give my regards to old off-Broadway
Remember me to Sheridan Square
Tell all the gang at Jan Hus Auditorium
That I will soon be there!

Ev’rybody calls me Mr. Off-Broadway
Yes, ev’rybody shouts it when we meet
Although nobody knows me on the Great White Way
Still I’m very well-respected south of Fourteenth Street

Over there
Over there
I mean the Circle in the Square--
I played The Iceman Cometh there for nearly a year
I never made much money but I drank a lotta beer
That’s why ev’rybody calls me Mr. Off-Broadway
Off-Broadway melody!

(Spoken)

Gosh, when I think of all those shows
It may not be modest, but I suppose
If I listed each one of my credits name by name
It would read like an off-Broadway hall of fame

The Trial of Dmitri Karamanzov. Crazy
And Sandhog, you all remember Sandhog, at the Phoenix?
It was a new concept in musicals, all about sandhogs, don’t you know
The whole thing took place under the East River

And there was Ardette, and Ardele, and Clemembard
And oh, hell, all of them Frenchmans, all of them Frenchmans
And Mandragola by Machiavelli? Now that was kinda cute
All about this girl they get with child by a mandrake root--

It’s kinda special, I’ll admit that
Then Pale Rider, Pale Horse
I played in that--
Front end, of course

And then a play by Ionesco all done in esoteric rhyme
Till Atkinson reviewed it, the show was doing fine
But after the notices came out, I lost my job through the New York Times!

(Sung)

And that’s why ev’rybody calls me Mr. Off-Broa-ha-ha-dway
Off-broadway--
Way off Broadway
Way, way off Broadway--
Melody!