Momentous Day

[Intro]
My fellow Americans
Just the other day I had the privilege and the honor
Of announcing to Americans and the world
That U.S. forces have finally located
And once and for all eradicated Osama Bin Laden
Now, let me be clear
There had been a lot of talk and speculation
As to why it took me so long to make the announcement
Longer after the news networks had broken the story
Well, lookit, initially, I prepared an alternative speech
Which I was gonna to present to the world
However, in the end
We decided the stick with the traditional speech
But here's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna play for you, my unaired, alternative video
Just so that there's no more questions and/or speculations
Roll the clip

[Verse]
My fellow Americans, I'm here and happy to say
We can celebrate on this momentous day
Now, look, let me be clear
Osama Bin Laden, we caught 'em and he's outta here
It's lights out for the hide-and-seek champion
We found him hiding in a dusty-lookin' mansion
So we sent a team and they rolled up on his mans and 'em
And sent him nighty-night with a permanent, justice-laced Ambien
Our intelligence is fly, they put in a lot of work
Using all resources, shouts out to Google Earth
Watched for months, like an eagle eyein' a rat in the dirt
Then returned the favor, brought terror right to his own turf
Team 6 showed up in choppers, it was so cash
Lit his house with red dots, like it had a rash
Navy SEALs dashed inside, left their heads spinning
Then flew off in the night screaming, "Duh, winning"
Al Qaeda, look, our message is clear
Don't get it twisted, we refuse to live here in fear
No matter how long it takes, we're right behind you
Like Antoine Dodson said, "We gon' find you"
Some members of Al Qaeda just won't admit
They don't believe we got 'em, they say it's not legit
They gettin' nervous 'cause they know they took a major hit
They on that Donald Trump
They wanna see the death certificate
Pakistan's ambassador's mad, he can have a seat
How you not know Bin Laden was livin' right down the street?
We went down low and did it my way
We— We so excited and it ain't even Friday
We played that hardball, warfare rugby
We had to, 'cause Osama's agenda was fugly
I hope you're cozy in Hell in a gasoline snuggie
For the record, right now, you ain't messin' with my Dougie
Al Qaeda's all mad how we pulled off that coup
But hater's gonna hate, you just mad, 'cause I'm stylin' on you
You wasted decades on a Jihad excursion
Just to find out on the other side you ain't got no virgins
America, we won the battle, but the war is still on
We'll fight for our freedom with our flag still flying strong
That's all I gotta say, I'm headin' back to the Situation Room
Oh, that'll be two terms, please
Thank You