Mom

[Verse]
And now that you've been gone for a decade
It's still hard not to cry on my best days
Haven't been to your grave in a couple years, I'm ashamed
But it's hard, mom, it's still fuckin' weird
Guess I thought it'd get easier
Might find some peace in you leavin' behind your demons here
But here I am turning thirty, just a man on his journey
I'm not mad, understand I'm just hurting
The more that time goes, the older I get
The more I realize the show that you missed, it's a whole lot of shit
I graduated from college with a degree in the politics
Had a dream and I followed it
Crossed the country and ocean
And you missed all of it
But I'ma write though, still walkin' that tightrope
I have my days and I go through my phases where I'm phased by the little things
But that's life, though
And yeah I'm still with Kath, thirteen years and no kids
Just a little cat, his name's Pistachio
For short we call him Stach
Still doin' rap, but feelin' like I'm fallin' back
And Steve and Mike are doing good
Couple engineers tryna make a better livelihood
And Jay's a little troublemaker, hard on him but I love him
And I don't wanna see him struggle later
Dad's doing the best that he can
I'm just praying for some rest for that man
Wish I could have seen the two of you when you were younger, grow old together
A couple things have messed with that plan
And my plans need some work of their own
Keep you alive in these words that I wrote
'Cause you'll never meet your grandkids and never see your kids married
I guess that's the part that hurts me the most
It isn't what you missed before, but what could have been
What's to come and what should have been
And every year I miss you more
See your reflection in that man in the mirror when I take the time to look at him