Miraculous Myrrh-Streaming Icon of the Mother of God

Miraculous Myrrh-streaming Icon of the Mother of God
I started crying
At the dinner table
Like that Orthodox icon
Shedding tears of myrrh
Found in a bargain bin in Toronto sold
For twenty dollars to the lowest bidder
"It's like God left the window open
And she continues to pour out her grace"
My grace falls onto my plate and
Salts my food: sprinkling heaven on earth
I started crying
At the dinner table
Because I can't stand the sight of my own dirty laundry
Strewn about my childhood bedroom, this house, this town
I walk everyday, an hour or so, around my neighborhood
I pass piles of it
I pass the basement I lost my virginity in
I pass the park where I tarred my lungs smoking dimly lit cigarettes
I sit on a bench where I threw my guts up
After a fifth of vodka from a plastic bottle
I can't stand the stench of myself any longer

The ceiling stars
Used to glow in the dark
So I wasn't so afraid of the monsters under the bed
Now they just live in my head
I miss my mom tucking me in
The things I'd do to have that again
She'd never miss a corner
Always made sure I felt warmer
Well mom, all I feel now is older and cold

Now my legs hang over the frame of the bed
And I hardly recognize my own face
The books that I never read
Still perched on their deathbed
And their demons still call me by name

All my best inventions
On the shelf with the best of intentions
Isn't it a trick
The lights do so much as flicker
And the apple juice melts into liquor
I miss my childhood friendships
I don't remember the reasons they ended
I was young and selfish
Always one to embellish
The truth's prettier without blemish
Tenfold

Now my legs hang over the frame of the bed
And I hardly recognize my own face (Ah)
The books that I never read
Still perched on their deathbed
While their demons still call me by name
While their demons still call me by name
While their demons still call me by name
While their demons still call me by name