Merrily We Roll Along (1974-1973) / Franklin Shepard, Inc.

[FIRST SOLOIST]
How did you get here from there, Mr. Shepard?

[SECOND SOLOIST]
If you look back, you can see

[THIRD SOLOIST]
Which is the moment and where, Mr. Shepard?

[ALL THREE SOLOISTS]
1973…

[TALK SHOW HOST, spoken]
I know our audience would love to hear how you two work together.

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Sure.
He goes—

[Mimes playing an arpeggio.]

And I go—

[Mimes typing.]

(sung)
And soon we're humming along—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm
And that's called writing a song—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm
Then he goes—

[Mimes another arpeggio.]

And I go—

[Types.]

And the phone goes—
Drrrring!

And he goes—
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter yes, Jerome
Mutter no, Jerome
Mutter mutter mutter mutter—"
That's his lawyer, Jerome—
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter do it, Jerome"
(Click)
"Sorry, Charley..."

So I go—

[Types.]

And he goes—

[Arpeggio.]

And I go—

[Types.]

And soon we're tapping away—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm
Bzzz!
"Sorry, Charley..."
Bzzz!
It's the secretary—
Bzzz!
On the intercom—

"Yes, Miss Bzzz..."
"It's a messenger"
"Thanks, Miss Bzzz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you order the car?
Will you call up the bank?
Will you wire the coast?
Will you—"
Drrrrrring!
"Sorry, Charley...
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Sell the stock
Mutter buy the rights
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter—"

"Let me put you on hold..."
"Yes, Miss Bzzz..."
"It's the interview..."
"Thanks, Miss Bizz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you wire the car?
Will you order the coast?
Will you send up the bank?"

And the telephones blink
And the stocks get sold
And the rest of us, he keeps on "hold"
And he's gonna start producing
And he's now a corporation
Right?

And I play at home
With my wife and kids
And I wait to hear the movie bids
And I've got a little sailboat
And I'm into meditation
Right?

He flies off to California
I discuss him with my shrink
That's the story of the way we work
Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc.

[TALK SHOW HOST, spoken]
Oh. Well, when you do work together, which comes first generally—the words or the music?

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Generally, the contract.

[TALK SHOW HOST, spoken]
It sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist.

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Money? Did I say money?
(sung)
No, I like money a lot—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm
I mean it's better than not—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm

(spoken)
But when it's—
Money—
Money—
When you're into—
Money!
And you should be—

[Arpeggio.]

Listen, he does the money thing very well, but you know what? Other people do it better. And he does the music thing very well. And you know what? No one does it better.

(sung)
Still the telephones blink
And the buzzers buzz
And I really don't know what he does
But he makes a ton of money
And a lot of it for me—
Right?

So I think "Okay"
And I start a play
And he somehow knows
'Cause right away
It's drrrring!

"Hiya, buddy
Wanna write a show?
Got a great idea
We'll own all the rights
With a two-week out
And a turnaround
On the guarantee
Plus a gross percent
Of the billing clause—"

And there I am in California
Talking deals and turning pink
Back in business and I mean just that
Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc.

Very sneaky how it happens
Much more sneaky than you think
Start with nothing but a song to sing
Next you're Franklin Shepard—

(spoken)
Wait, could we wait a minute here 'cause I'm getting in too deep. The thing is, see, we're not that kind of close anymore. The way we used to be. And a friendship's like a garden, you have to water it, and tend it, and care about it. And you know what? I want it back. Look—

(sung)
Nothing permanent has happened
Just a temporary kink
Friendship's something you don't really lose...

...Very sneaky how it happens
Every day you're on the brink
First the prizes, then the interviews—

[Looks around, realizing where he is.]

Oh, my God, I think it's happened!
Stop me quick before I sink
One more triumph that I can't refuse—

(spoken)
In case you didn't notice, this is my first time on TV—and my last.

(sung)
No, here's the point, whatever happens
Then we'll all go get a drink
That's the guy I love, the fella who's
Inside

"Mutter mutter mutter mutter quick, Jerome
Get the President
There's a crazy man
On my TV screen!"

Inside—
Bzzz! Bzzz! Drrring!
Inside
Franklin Shepard—
Just write him care of Any Bank, U.S.A.—
Inc.!