Mercy vs Medic

[Intro]
Prepare yourselves
For a rap battle unlike any you've heard before
They've got the wholesome heals, the biggest buffs
The strongest support around
Take it away!

[Mercy]
It's time for your prognosis, the doctor is in
Heroes never die, but you're not one of them
I arrive on swift wings, like a bird in a hurry
If you have an emergency, get word out to Mercy
I may have a halo, but I'm no angel
With my damage buffs I can make your life painful
Who will patch you up after I've hurt you badly?
Better call the medic - oh wait, that's me!

[Medic]
(Haha)
Prepare for your examination
If you don't have your papers then you face extermination
Pardon me, frau, how did you become a doctor?
Where I'm from, only men get that job offer
Did I strike a nerve? Yes, I think it's working!
See, healing is not as rewarding as the hurting
You were doomed from the start, dummkopf
And your lyrics are almost as weak as you are

[Mercy]
I'm at the top of my field
I could give you guidance
After all, I heard about how you lost your license
Messing with me isn't healthy, here's a warning
After this battle take some aspirin
And call me back in the morning
For your sake, I hope that you can self-heal quickly
I can glide and fly, good luck keeping up with me
Pity on your bad rhymes always flatline
On a scale of 1 to 10, where's your pain at?

[Medic]
NEIN!
Stay where you belong, on the sidelines
Or the only flatlining will be your vital signs
Your healing stream won't clean up this bloodbath
My Ubercharge is Wunderbar, your skills are Wunderbad
I haven't lost my sanity, I'm simply going mad
Kill them all! Those are just the voices in my head
Wait, hold the mic, I need to heal my team, stat!

[Mercy]
So do I, sorry, we'll be right back!

[Hook]
I can give you strength
I can make you tough
I will heal all your pain
And your attack will be buffed
If I can't use weapons, or defend you with violence
I'll have your back and help you kill them with kindness

[Medic]
Alright, enough with that scheisse!

[Mercy]
Watch your language, schweinhund!

[Medic]
Hey! That's my word!

[Mercy]
I know, because it describes you perfectly

[Medic]
Let me give you some doctor-assisted homicide

[Mercy]
Hold on, am I speaking to Jekyll or Hyde?
My diagnosis - split personality
Check your mail, I'll send my consultation fee
But it doesn't take a doctor to see that
There is no prescription to treat whatever he has
Your overheal is overrated
A quick-fix won't save you from being outdated
My ultimate can raise the dead from the grave

[Medic]
But be careful when you use it, it might go to waste!
You'll never get close enough to put it in action
Have you ever seen combat? Or are you always this passive?
I hope you have no phobia with syringes
Because it wasn't medicine that I've put in them
Soon I'll be saying, auf wiedersehen
As for the XP I've gained, Danke Schoen
My ubercharge is almost ready my friends

[Mercy]
But if you get killed you'll have to recharge it again
Could I borrow your bonesaw for one moment, dear?
I'm performing an autopsy on your career
Ever heard of the Hippocratic Oath?

[Medic]
REDRUM, REDRUM!

[Mercy]
I didn't think so
How ironic, Mercy destroyed ya
And I enjoyed it - schadenfreude

[Medic]
Above all else, do no harm
You won't have that problem with your wimpy sidearm
When I use my crossbow my range is even longer
If you wanted to do that, you'd have to talk to Ana
I would finish you off, but my team can do the rest
I have better things to do - Oktoberfest!

[Mercy]
Wait a second medic, my team needs health again!

[Medic]
So does mine, why am I the only one helping them?

[Hook 2]
You will be cared for
You'll be kept alive
I can be your support
Just try not to let me die
I'm defending our DpS, and buffing our tanks
It just sucks when no one gives us a "thanks"

[Heavy]
Nobody wants to thank you, they all think you are crazy!

[Medic]
I will murder them all!

[Mercy]
You need professional help, and I'm here to listen
I know your ego is in critical condition

[Medic]
(Haha)
Speaking of critical, taste my Kritzkrieg!
And I'm so quick, Widowmaker couldn't hit me!
You are snail, I am schnell

[Mercy]
Say hello to Adolf when you see him in hell
Biohazard - my rhymes are dirty

[Medic]
At the end of this rap, I will show no Mercy!

[Mercy]
Maybe we can reach a medicinal agreement

[Medic]
When it comes to healers, everybody needs them
And we get no credit!

[Mercy]
Well said, Medic!

[Player]
Hey, can I get a heal over here?

[Both]
FORGET IT!

[Hook 3]
I'm done cleaning up
Cause I quit this job
I've been working my ass off
Like a single mom
When a healer's neglected, then you'll all end up dead
Next time I die I'll just respawn as offense!

[Outro]

[Player]
Hey, can I get a heal over here?
Where are the healers at?
Come on, I've died, like, three times, where are the healers?
I need some heals!
Somebody? Can I get some support?
We need some heal- ugh oh my god
I need a res!
Hello?
Oh come on, why weren't you buffing my attack?
Ugh
Somebody!
Can I get a res?