Meet the Spy

Announcer: INTRUDER ALERT! A RED SPY IS IN THE BASE!

Soldier: A red spy is in the base?

Announcer: Protect the briefcase!

Soldier: We need to protect the briefcase!

Scout: Yo, a lil' help here?

Soldier: I got it. 1, 1, 1, ummm, 1.

Scout: Go, go.

Heavy: INCOMING!

Scout: AAA-hey, it's still here!

Spy: Ahem. Gentlemen.

[Meet the spy intro plays.]

Spy: I see the briefcase is safe. Tell me, did you happen to kill a red spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem.

Soldier: And a knife.

Scout: Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of spies, they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you! Ow. No offense.

Spy: If you managed to kill them I assure you they were not like me. And nothing, nothing like the man loose inside this building.

Scout: What are you, president of his fan club?

Spy: No, that would be your mother!

Scout: [Stammers]

Spy: Indeed, and now he's here to f**k us! So listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today.

Soldier: Oh!

Scout: Gimmie that!

Spy: The spy has already breached our defenses.

Engineer: Sentry down!

Spy: We've seen what he's done to our colleagues!

Sniper: [Gets backstabbed] Ahhhh!

Spy: And worst of all, he could be any one of us!

Medic: Raus, raus!

Red Spy: [Turns into Medic]

Medic: Nein...

Spy: He could be you, he could be me, he could even be-

Scout: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Soldier: What? It was obvious! He's the red spy! Watch, he should be turning red any second now......any second. See, red! Oh, wait that's blood.

Heavy: So, we still have problem.

Soldier: Big problem. All right, who's ready to go find this Spy?

Scout (now Red Spy): Right behind you.