Meditation

Sitting on the bathroom floor, I think about you and organize my thoughts. Soon I will be one year older. Soon I will be one year further away from who I was. Do you like me for who I am, or do you like me for how you choose to think of me? Do I like you for who you are, or do I like you for how I choose to think of you? A new season, hiding from people who want me, reaching towards people who I want love from. After all this time, still wanting what is harder for me to have. Some days I know I deserve more, some days I feel like I deserve less. Happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, happy, mostly happy, mostly, and sometimes sad, longing, wanting, empty, cold. What words do you choose do describe yourself? Are they the same words that I use to describe you? How do you see yourself? What words do you choose to describe me? Are they the same words that I use to describe myself? On a good day: gentle, loving, open, soft. How do I see myself even on a bad day? Some days, just trying to remind myself I exist at all, fighting the urge to disappear into my sheets and hide there forever. I have romantic feelings toward a time and space, people and surroundings that were but now are not. The way I love affects the way I hurt. The way I want affects the way I miss. But soon I will be another year older, one year further away from something, on year closer to something else