Me and Jesus the Pimp in a ’79 Granada Last Night

[Verse 1]
Well, he was smilin' like a vulture as he rolled up the horticulture
Ignited it, and said, "I hope the vapors don't insult ya"
What I replied denied, but he mixin' weed and hop
His head was noddin' up and down like he agreed a lot

Bored said, we need a plot, I comply, let's leave the spot
Hopped in the Granada, he's impressed by the beat I got
His name is Hey-Zeus but his pimp name is Jesus
Slapped a ho to pieces with his plastic prosthesis

"Nigga, don't you know that I'm your daddy" said he
This is true, plus he schooled me for my mackin' degree
Never plea, try not to flee, make niggas pee when you stick around
This man my momma had found taught me to put it down

I press the gas to the ground to show that I'm a hound
Makin' sure that get rubber sound is heard throughout the town
Thirty years ago, Jesus could pull a ho quick
But now he's fifty and his belly hang lower than his dick

Philosophy that he spit stuck in my memory chips
And now he puttin' in a disk of Gladys Knight and the Pips
Then that shit starts to skip, he said, somebody must have scratched it
Put the forty to his lips and poured the contents down the hatchet

Well, since my adolescence, 'cause of his pimp lessons
Smack my woman in the dental just for askin' silly questions
Relationship reduction to either rock the box or suction
Ain't got no close partners, socially I can't function

From the pen he would scribe on how to survive
Don't be Microsoft, be Macintosh with a Hard Drive
Used to tell me all the time to keep a bitch broke
Did I mention that my mama was his number one ho?

Clunked the forty on the floor and placed his palm on the dash
And wheezed out, "Come on man, make this motherfucker mash"
Ain't gonna mash too fast, 'cause my tags ain't right
Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada last night

[Hook]
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?

[Verse 2]
City lights from far away can make you drop your jaw
Sparklin' like sequins on a transvestite at Mardi Gras
There's beauty in the cracks of the cement
When I was five, I hopped over them wherever we went to prevent

Whatever it was that could break my momma's back
Little did I know that it would roll up in a Cadillac
And matter of fact, she couldn't see him like a cataract
And on the track, she went from beautiful to battle axe

And back at home, she would cry into her pillow
Vomit in the commode, I was six years old
I would crawl onto her lap and we would hug and hold
Never knew how she was sufferin' for my food and clothes

She asked me what I thought of Jesus when he broke off some bread
I said, "He's missin' an arm, and he seem like a pee-pee head"
She said, don't cuss and my teeth to go brush
And get ready for bed and the toilet to flush

With tears in my mama's eyes, I was her everything
Before she went out on the stroll
She'd tuck me into bed and sing
"You're just too beautiful for words
You're just too beautiful for words
You're just too beautiful for words
You're just too beautiful for words"

[Verse 3]
I see the red and white lights as the ambulance flies
Reminds me of midnight in a dope fiend's eyes
And my nine-year-old self as paramedics leave
Left to bawl my eyes out on a neighbor's sleeve

To give illustrations that are clear and clean
I'll take you two hours back, before this scene
Early in the morning when the sun starts to creep
When the birds start to chirp and crackheads go to sleep

Moms was comin' in I heard her keys go clink
Wearin' nothin' but pumps, bikini and fake mink
Even though she served for fifty dollars-a-pop
Hardly had enough for rent after Jesus re-copped

That day the landlady got her rent before he got his knot
Slammed mama's head against the front bolt lock
Then the pimp with one arm done harm
Reached back and plowed into her head like a farm

Never saw the act, locked in the back, I was cussin'
Heard the blap blap of twenty head crack percussion
And body blows, her body froze from bolos to the spine
I was hysterically cryin', all she could do was whine

She didn't even have the strength to say, "I love you, Boo"
But I said it to her and she knew that I knew
She was dead by the time the ambulance got on the case
But I never will forget the plastic hand stuck in her face

Stop at the intersection to ask Jesus 'bout directions
Go to Frisco, I got very friendly vocal inflections
Mob a left at MacArthur to continue in flight
Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada last night

[Hook]
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?

[Verse 4]
The rain dropped giant pearls, God was pissin' on the world
Or that old man who was snorin' rolled on over and earled
My temperature gauge read, cold and blistery
Spinnin' wheels made each piece of asphalt history

This was Jesus debut out the penitentiary
Fifteen years, but it seem like a century
See, he went in the pen for some other murder drama
Twelve years old when I wrote him quote I wanna be a pimp, comma

You accidentally killed my moms, no player hatin' points
You know how bitches act, shit, exclamation point
First it was a set up move, then it was the truth
His letters were the only friends that I had as a youth

But his lopsided game, see, was really counterfeit
So my little son Dominic thinks that I'm a dick
'Cause I was runnin' 'round like a little baby Jesus
To me women had to be saints, hoes, or skeezers

And I don't think that it's gonna end till we make revolution
But who gonna make the shit if we worship prostitution?
Ain't no women finna die for the same old conclusion
Put they life on the line so some other pimp could use 'em

Pulled into a vacant lot, the road to recovery
Pulled out my pistol as we brushed against the shrubbery
Jesus said, "Why the hell you pointin' a gat
So I pulled a piece of game I could use out the hat

I said, "This trip is over, we ain't finna ride on
This is for my mental and my mama that I cried on
Microsoft motherfuckers let bygones be bygones
But since I'm Macintosh, I'mma double click your icon"

He struggled for life, then gave up the fight
Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada last night

[Hook]
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?

[Boots]
And I still remember mama
"You're much too beautiful for words
You're much too beautiful for words
You're much too beautiful for words
You're much too beautiful for words"

[Hook]
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?
Oakland, do you wanna ride?
I can't hear you, Oakland do you want to ride tonight?