​maybe i could eat blades of grass

CHORUS: Maybe I could eat blades of grass.

DAMIEN: Hi, I'm Damien Maymdien.

I know what you're probably thinking, and I've heard it a hundred times.

People come up to me and they say,

"Damien, why is everything so dumb and stupid?"

Well, that's a great question, and I'll answer it for you.

First, let's plant some trees.

Okay, what was your question? Oh yeah. The world is stupid.

Right. Okay.

Well, have you ever found love? Have you ever been in love?

CHORUS (as flower): I have, it's pretty wonderful.

DAMIEN: Have you ever flown a bird or been flown by a bird?

Have you ever--

Wait, no. Let's skip that one.

Have you ever carried a dozen bricks down a brick road through a brick door and into a brick house?

CHORUS: Yes, I've done that!

DAMIEN: Okay, good, good. Just taking some notes here.

Are you a lamb?

AUDIENCE: No.

DAMIEN: Are you a lamp?

AUDIENCE: Sure!

DAMIEN: Ah, check that one off. Have you ever been--

What does that say?

Have you ever been betrayed, abandoned, or otherwise made an incoherent fool out of?

CHORUS: Yep, sure, that's me. That's me.

And I hope that you believe me.

Believability Bob beeps as he calculates his believability.

DAMIEN: Here's a rock, with a plaid shirt. That's stupid. Everything is stupid.