Luckiest Loser

Man you're really one heck of a guy
Best friends since junior high
You showed me Playboy for the very first time, that was rad
We saw Bon Jovi, we sat in the front row
I pierced your ear right before the show
We stole your brother's beer and he didn't know oo-a-oh

[Chorus]
Woah
Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love or did you just wanna get some?
That girl is crazy she's a loco-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You better run for cover 'cause she's ticking like a time bomb
And did I mention that you both suck dot com

And now you're stuck with her
Like Mellencamp is stuck with Cougar
I guess that make me the luckiest loser

I met her at a keger passed out on the yard
Getting in her pants wasn't really that hard
6 months later she crashed my car, that was rad
She's got a glow from her spray-on tan
Marilyn Manson is her favorite band
I really think she might worship Satan, not a fan

[Chorus]
Woah
Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love or did you just wanna get some?
That girl is crazy she's a loco-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You should run for cover 'cause she's ticking like a time bomb
And did I mention that you both suck dot com

And now she's stuck with you
Like a fat guy with a bad tattoo
Like celebrity golf with Alice Cooper
Guess that makes me the luckiest loser

Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, you deserve each other
A Lethal Weapon when you take her home to meet your mother
She was a super star, backseat of my car
Those days are over now the night goes on, yeah

[Spoken]
Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love or did you just wanna get some?

That girl is crazy she's a loco-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You'd better run for cover 'cause she's ticking like a time bomb
And did I mention that you both suck dot com

Now you're stuck with her like Mellencamp is stuck with Cougar
Like number 2 on a pooper scooper
I guess that makes me the luckiest loser
(That girl is crazy she's a loco-motion)
Luckiest loser
(I know you know she used to be my girl)
Luckiest loser
(You'd better run for cover 'cause she's ticking like a time bomb)
Luckiest loser
(And did I mention that you both suck...)