Lose a Friend

[Verse 1]
I'm still frozen on the deck
I'm still sprinting down the hall
His hands still push down on my head
By the fence at Governor's Ball
And I guess I still pretend
It doesn't all feel like my fault

[Verse 2]
I still sit outside that house
Let him kiss me in his car
I'm still dying to get out
He's still pushing me too far
And I still wish that I turned down all those drinks back at the bar
Why's it so hard?

[Chorus]
I didn't wanna make a big deal
I didn't wanna lose a friend
I didn't wanna make it this real and have to feel it all again
I didn't wanna make a big deal
But it's a big deal in the end
It's a big deal in the end

[Verse 3]
I'm still cringing at a name
I'm still lying in a bed
Trying not to let my brain hеar the way my heart objects
I washеd the clothes but to this day I never put them on again, again

[Chorus]
I didn't wanna make a big deal
I didn't wanna lose a friend
I didn't wanna make it this real and have to feel it all again
I didn't wanna make a big deal
But it's a big deal in the end
It's a big deal in the end

[Bridge]
You're not my fucking friend
You're not my fucking friend
You're not my fucking friend

[Outro]
I'm still twenty, I'm still ten
I'm still noticing the hurt
'Cause I remembered everything
I just never found the words