Lobachevsky

Who made me the genius I am today
The mathematician that others all quote?
Who's the professor that made me that way
The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat?

One man deserves the credit
One man deserves the blame
And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name
Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach...

I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky
In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:
Plagiarize

Plagiarize!
Let no one else's work evade your eyes
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes
So don't shade your eyes
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize
Only be sure always to call it please "research"

And ever since I meet this man
My life is not the same
And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name
Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach...

I am never forget the day
I am given first original paper to write
It was on analytic and algebraic topology
Of locally Euclidean metrizations
Of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifolds
Bozhe moy!
This I know from nothing
What I'm going to do
I think of great Lobachevsky and get idea - haha!

I have a friend in Minsk
Who has a friend in Pinsk
Whose friend in Omsk
Has friend in Tomsk
With friend in Akmolinsk
His friend in Alexandrovsk
Has friend in Petropavlovsk
Whose friend somehow is solving now
The problem in Dnepropetrovsk

And when his work is done
Haha! Begins the fun
From Dnepropetrovsk to Petropavlovsk
By way of Iliysk and over Novorossiysk
To Alexandrovsk to Akmolinsk
To Tomsk to Omsk
To Pinsk to Minsk
To me the news will run
Yes, to me the news will run!

And then I write by morning, night
And afternoon, and pretty soon
My name in Dnepropetrovsk is cursed
When he finds out I published first!

And who made me a big success
And brought me wealth and fame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name
Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachev...

I am never forget the day my first book is published
Every chapter I stole from somewhere else
Index I copy from old Vladivostok telephone directory
This book was sensational!
Pravda - well, Pravda - Pravda said:
Zhil byl korol' kogda-to, Pri nem blokha zhila
("It stinks")
But Izvestia! Izvestia said:
Ya idu kuda sam tsar' idet peshkom
("It stinks")
Metro-Goldwyn-Moskva buys the movie rights for six million rubles
Changing title to 'The Eternal Triangle'
With Ingrid Bergman playing part of hypotenuse

And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name!
Oy!