Literal Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag Trailer

Stargate, Sparkle, Ubisoft

Nod at the boat and people die
Everywhere people die
(That's a callback)
This is the longest he's ever gone without killing anyone
He wonders if his future son will carry out the tradition of killing everyone he sees
It's his lunch break luckily
Toast of Equality!
Hurry with the toast, there's a drunken hot girl walking to the right!
Bet she'd love to see a fight...
Bad guy music begins as the ponytail twins barge in
Look down on the people that you're better than
Ominous orchestral note, time to let the patrons know: Happy Hour's over
Time for everything to suck
Mysterious hooded man watches (from a distance)
Take a second to sober up
(low tolerance)
Target confirmed
Hooded man turns
Bandana man sees hooded man's subtle arm movement signal, which tells him to go make a toast with the people
And then he lets all of them know... it was a toast TO DEATH!
You shouldn't toast before you know what the toast is for
Bear hug, head bash, bottle smash
Slow-mo person pass
Stab face
Again and again and again
Another wine bottle pass in slow motion
Hooded man feels good-
Hey! Don't touch the hood
If you try to stab the hoodless man he'll stab you in the abdomen, man
And steal your wallet. Duh
LOOK RIGHT!

Colonial running shoe commercial
They thought they could catch the boat... not even close
Captain walk to the edge of the dock, SNAP TURN
Let's go chase that freakin' boat sailed by Heath Ledger's ancestor
Celebrate, sail into the sunset, fade
The captain's not about to let the bird-bow-boat get away
Gimme that telescope. Give it!
Use the mini telescope, aim the cannon at the boat
Shoot four, only two go through - maybe two were blanks?
Strike a pose, Edward turns the boat
Red cloaked captain probably should've let that bird boat go... OH NO!
Cannon's not shooting blanks anymore

DARKNESS!
Murder-Hood goes on
Inception Bwahh
Someone's gonna get splinters, and second-hand smoke!
I'm just saying, be careful
WATCH OUT FOR THE HOOKS! OOH!
Shoulda listened! Edward wants to ascend
Shoot your gun to cut the rope just to make it difficult
Flying up to run away, no more murdering today... NOT!
Can't believe they bought that
Same thing goes for all their hats
I prefer my Murder-Hood
People die cause I look so good
D-rop the pistols, throw a stick
His friend makes sure his death is quick
Guess I'll do the same for you, (assuming you want me to)
This is gonna end badly for you
It already has for your crew
Listen, I'll give you some free ones
DEHHH! DAHHH!
Convincing enough?
Look you disarmed me!
Now I am completely defenseless... (gasp) NOT!
Booyah
Last words: Port or Starboard?

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
Cut to Kenway's boat sitting in a bay
Ever since I got this diamond filled with DNA, it feels like someone's watching me
DELICIA