Late December

I still remember that night, sitting in silence‚ hoping
But I already knew that you were gone
Confirmation stabbed in me‚ cracking out until all parts of me collapsed
And any semblance of hope turned to ash
I can't count how many times I thought of following you
Almost wishing each new wave of agony
Would finally push me to the end
I know that you'll never hear the message I left‚ but I still wish we could exchange words and laughs
One more time
Or that I could even hear your voice, your breath responding to mine
There are so many things I wish I could say in that moment
Or the last time that we spoke
When I was really the last voice that you heard on this Earth
No one asked why we all saw the pain in your eyes that you tried to hide with a smile
It was such a beautiful smile

We never
Never believed in heaven
But I still
Hope you are in that house by the beach
No, no more
Pain in this life
You can rest now
(But I miss you)

They said you looked so peaceful‚ and I don't know if I wish I could have seen you like that
No struggle, no pain, you're unchained from the Earth‚ but all I can picture in my mind is
An angel in the rope

I'm so sorry that I couldn't help you
I wanted you to be free from the tangled thorns
I want to go back, back to a time
When our hearts beat as one

In the end I can't accept
That I'm still here and you're not