Last I Knew

[Verse 1]
Shouldn't I be celebratin right now?
Shouldn't I change the way I write now?
Shouldn't my songs be about how great life is
Poppin bottles with women with energy i don't have right now?
What's the difference between my life and afterlife?
Would they keep listenin' after I put the mic down?
Toss and turnin' every night, wear stress like a night gown
Typa shit make ya wanna put the mic down
They want feel good music from an artist who doesn't feel good
Don't ask me how I feel, I can't feel shit
You want it bad, bad enough it'll make you wanna steal goods
I was raised better I shouldn't steal shit
Tryna smile in every picture they take, I hope it came out good
It's hard when ya mind is drenched in real shit
Either I changed, or shit changed around me
Either way it was all a dream, I just hope it still is
Though's maybe this ain for me, less exchange stories
It's hard for me to open up, unless the engineer's recordin' me
Interviews won't work, you say a joke I'll smirk
Ask the question and I'll answer it accordingly
Like mama still gotta fist clenched, tryna change the whole world
From the smallest state in the country
And poppa still tryna keep warm food on the cold plates
It's either pay for heat or the food you go to hungry, choose
More I-miss-you's, we're on a pursuit of happiness
It just happens to be far from you's
We're a generation where the word love is abused
And unfortunately the word sorry is hard to use
Now ask my crew, last I knew
Real niggas don't exist, I'm the last I knew
Summer days on the block, only past I knew
I passed the block the other day, look how fast time flew
Left the last bit of truth in the booth
I've recorded enough songs, I'm gone
Then I heard a voice say hold on
Young it's your turn, you waited on so long
How could an innocent dream just have gone so wrong?
And be gone so soon
Dreams to nightmares like sun to moon
You taught yourself how to bounce back, and cover your wounds
You was six years old writin' those bars in your room
Now studio all night, sayin' good night at noon
I mighta' did a little somethin', everybody wants to talk now
If you don't respond now, it's war now, pistol far out
Superstar now, who the fuck you think you are now?
Cuban cigar now, im at the bar now
Lettin' the bartender attack you
Reminiscin' hopin' somethin' distracts me
Knowin how some memories have me
More success, more problems, how the good and the bad be
I just take it all gladly, cause you know how the cash be
But I'm not thinking to change, fuckin up y'all comparisons
No we ain't the same
Soon as y'all thought you had me figured out, I changed the game
Created my lane, stayed in my lane
Came in the game, playing my game
I'm staying the same, I'm keeping the name
Remember the name, I just see the pinnacle and remember to aim
But it's more gimmicks and hype now
Typa shit make you wanna put the mic down

This are conversations i have with myself