King of My Bedroom

You ask if I can rap, I say, "maybe
I might have tried it once or twice, but I’m a poet mainly
Now I’m no Shady or Jay Z
But when I stage the matinee play, better give Mat an A, please!

See, I used to be the King of my basement
Making videos on my green screen play set
But I blew up like a fuse in a test tube
Took a few flights now I’m king of my bedroom

I’m a walking intellectual
I’m not a money maker but I fund the mental with these fundamentals
Now my brain is feeling richer than a
Hundred metals
Plastered on my ring finger when I win the doubleheader

Never feeling under weather
Come whatever
Cuz, remember
I was once the kid with funky hair wearing an ugly sweater
Any single memory’s enough to measure
Where I was and where I am now, how they eventually come together

When I was little I could break down
Spitting sick since I was six spread the plague 'round the playground
I’m in a new phase now, past the breakouts and rain clouds
Looking for my next big payout

Some people say, "how"?
I say you hunt down your dreams like a stakeout
And play your cards face down
So when you sneak up on a goal and you score it
There’s nobody else that you can blame but your brain power

I’m going for the big prize
They say I’ll never get high as a skinny-like-a-twig guy
But I’m the type to eat a hot dog sky diving and risk dying just to say there’s pigs flying

I’m the defining defiant
A contrarian to the man
And I’m seated the highest

But I got these tyrants crucifying
Like I’m Christ flying United
Taking punches from the Pilate

He’s fairly odd, apparently. Who me?
Call me Timmy Turner cause I’m going in with Two T
It’s MaTTeo and his mOOdy groupie
FaNNEE DOOlEE, who likes zOOming but hates moving

Excuse me, I make moves bigger than Keeble’s
You’re jamming to a cracker in the Club, no Keebler
Hungry for answering prayers since
Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Edin
Eating spare ribs

I’m a debonaire kid with a fairy tale wish
Got my panties in a bunch and my underwear twist
On a flagpole
Where they hang old glory
So if I’m that worthy, I’m thankful

‘cause I shine so bright, and you walk thin ice
So either way, you could really use a pair of soul

If I suck, then rap is my black hole
So come on in, I'll make a whack - a - mole casserole

I’m the wildest predator you never met
Style like Gene Wilder meets Eminem
Package in a lifelong message with a pelvic thrust
Punch with an iron fist; Touch with a velvet glove

Leveled up with no cheat codes or GameShark
Real life champions stay safe and play smart
It takes heart, but it ‘ain't hard
‘cause no one’s gotta give you permission to make art

I don’t need a commission to grant me rapping rights
I don’t need a prescription to let me grab the mic
I stand up and the flow runs through me
No wonder I’m mistaken for a PVC Pipe

Yea I’m teeny and white, see, but neither define me
I’m a human being with a taste for fine rhyming
Those who base judgment on things that the eye sees
Might be deceived on the content their mind reads

I came I conquered
Then I threw a saw in the middle
And I slayed the monster

You can find me in ancient armor
Waving hi from the right of the bride ‘cause I’m made of honor

No regrets
Not even this dyslexic text etched under my necklace
I’m destined to go for broke until this whole damn setlist
Is going continental like a hotel breakfast

I could make you feel what nobody’s felt
That’ll put the gold on my belt
No, I won’t call for help
But I’ve got a better chance seeing a snowball in hell not melt

I’m a writer
And from my opposable thumbs to my shoulder blades
I’m a fighter
So hold up that lighter and pump this sound
Just don’t get too lit or you might burn the house down

Call a coup d'état
As I bring the poetic coup de grace that killed Kubla Khan
Don’t ever do me wrong, or I’ll send your career 'cross the Rubicon in a future song

It’s a useless war, so succumb to Tecumseh
Go run tell your tribe that they better stand back

I’m shooting out lyrical bomb drop leaflets
And wearing one just like a feather in cap

I’m far from the norm
Never drank at a bar
I’ve never seen Rocky or Star Wars

I think coffee’s a weakness to free will
And I’ll chew gum for 10 seconds but no more

I’m in college for classes, not parties, and many of my peers dare to ask the question why
I’m trying to learn skills, and begin my career, like I’m supposed to know whichLambda Eta Pi?

Nah

I think abstract, I’m not drinking down or training for a six-pack, running on the abs track
I’m an addict to the craft, like a rabid rabbit rapping in the lab, that’s my natural habitat

Now I can’t prove a thesis with chemicals, but I could write a love letter to a nebula
I can fry your brain, but can’t cook, so the way I eat eggs a lot gives my mom eczema

Uh
I chew on these birds like a Peking Buffet
But my jaw’s getting sore someone get me Bengay
And my back is inflamed so I’ll start packing heat
And I’ll fight with my fingers, I can’t stand defeat

I’ll cosplay as Princess Rapunzel and smack you with a Peter Pan
So high, you'll never land
And if you’re hungry for more than a snack
Here’s some food for thought that will make your concessions stand

Never beat a rapper for street cred
I just eat the beat so much, I pee red
I’m no vegan or meathead
But I make dough like you make your diet
I sneak bread

I’d never sell a feigned rap in some cellophane wrap
For the price of some zealous fame crap

If you’re jealous of the craft
Then you’re welcome on the track
‘cause I'm not selfish, I’m a self-made Mat

We think faces can value ourselves
But it’s how we deal with the cards we’ve been dealt
I’ll lasso my goals if you hand me the rope
You'll meme with some bleach meanwhile I’ll break the mold

This gold mine of vocab bestowed on our homeland
We grab by the gonads to show we’re not nomads
I know that this language is ours to abuse
So screw food for thought
Here’s some thought for food

To live and let live, we need options
So build life and but don't let work stop it
Don’t judge at first sight, use caution
And don’t rush the seeds in your garden

Shine bright so the world can reflect you
Respect others and they will respect you
Then explore all viewpoints and take notes
Or you just might become what you hate most

Talk and listen, just not with your eyeballs
And have fun every once in a while
Then work hard on your craft 'til you’re masters
But set standards beyond living faster

Don’t take a half measure on passion
If it gets rough, have your seatbelt fastened
These are my guidelines to life, not direct rules
I’m only the King of my mind and my bedroom."