Kills Me

[Verse 1]
Yeah OE
With me, most of y’all are unfamiliar
I rap like a killer, try to cut out all of the filler
From my bars, but it’s hard knowing how few are listening
As if I’m spitting at a whisper
Sometimes I feel like Wilbur
& Charlotte at the same time
Stringing words in a web like I do these rhymes
In this song, hoping it prolongs
My existence, I’m convinced if someone sees what I’ve written
& gives it recognition, then I’ll be living to the next minute
Problem is, only the pig side of you gets crеdit
Part of you becomes famous, but the othеr part ends up dead, it’s
Funny, back when I was making up stories in Storrs before
I came to college, I never thought I’d feel like the sorcerer’s apprentice
That’s word to Goethe
Performing chores with resentment
Bored of washing floors, wanting to do more, but when I attempt it
My powers prove too tremendous, my inexperience extensive
& I just make a mess of it
What I meant is
At assembling sentences I’m relentless
But I can’t be content with it if I ain’t the best at it
I’ve got a lot of fear in me, yeah, I thought I’d bested it
But it’s back with a vengeance
& it’s hard to contend with
Truth is, I’m just way too perfectionist
Especially given I don’t know what perfection is
Kendrick, Cole, K.R.I.T., JID, shit, & especially Lin
Gave me a direction
But the question is

[Hook]
The fuck I have to do to make these people feel me?
I’m so hungry, got my fucking stomach screaming “Fill me”
I’m torn between Boston, Storrs, & Philly
& Imma make a killing even if it kills me
Kills me
What will be will be
People looking at me & they wondering “Will he
Make it at this rap shit?” I don’t know, we’ll see
But Imma make a killing even if it kills me
Kills me

[Verse 2]
Freshman year, I was recording in my dorm room closet
Jotting these sonnets til 4AM, wasn’t making deposits
'Cept for what I got in contests & scholarships
Was positive I couldn’t be a rapper, now I’m being told the opposite
Now I roll though the city, real slow
Coming back from the studio, it’s becoming the usual
Giving my time to Society, I’m in the driver’s seat, speeding into this year
Pumping the clutch, shifting to fifth gear
Some of y’all won’t get that line cos of generational difference
But my mom taught me to drive a stick shift, that & how to be vicious
How not to take shit from people being disrespectful
Big difference between being a sucker & successful
& all my life I’ve felt this pressure to be special, it gets stressful
When being second best or less is unacceptable
& I guess I’m no exception, the obsession with being exceptional
In my generation is what connects us all
We make ourselves collectibles, sell it all for a pedestal
For us to seem respected, all my rhyme schemes impeccable
But that won’t get them all to listen, & in seconds I’ll
Show you if you ain’t unique, they’ll treat you like a trash receptacle
I was in the laundry room asking how to test my voice
Listening to Kanye West while reading James Joyce
I been staring down the same choice
For almost three years, & now I’m finally here
So what the fuck’s your aim, boy?

[Hook]
The fuck I have to do to make these people feel me?
I’m so hungry, got my fucking stomach screaming “Fill me”
I’m torn between Boston, Storrs, & Philly
& Imma make a killing even if it kills me
Kills me
What will be will be
People looking at me & they wondering “Will he
Make it at this rap shit?” I don’t know, we’ll see
But Imma make a killing even if it kills me
Kills me

[Verse 3]
It kills me, it’s chilly in this city, my flow is filthy
I listen to the greats, & I think about history
I listen to these other rappers & I think, "Really?" This shit is silly
I’m the type to bump A Milli & Thoroughly Modern Millie
In the same playlist, & y’all can’t say shit
Especially when you probably won’t ever play this
I mostly rap as if I got someone who cares enough to diss me
Listening, but if I disappeared, who would really miss me?
How do you get people to notice you?
& when they do, how do you really know it’s you
They’re seeing, a human being? & you know it’s true
With ripping this shit to bits they’d have no issue
If it wasn’t me, would my homies tear this shit apart?
The way we do with other rappers’ music, it makes it hard
Knowing that my first shit
Is sure to be my worst shit
Still I put the work in
Tell myself it's worth it

[Bridge]
I keep going, rapping like I gotta prove myself
In this game some claim Imma lose myself
If I knew myself better, maybe I could stay true to myself
But fuck it, man, Imma do it myself
I keep going, rapping like I gotta prove myself
In this game some claim Imma lose myself
If I knew myself better, maybe I could stay true to myself
But fuck it, man, Imma do it myself

[Hook]
The fuck I have to do to make these people feel me?
I’m so hungry, got my fucking stomach screaming “Fill me”
I’m torn between Boston, Storrs, & Philly
& Imma make a killing even if it kills me
Kills me
What will be will be
People looking at me & they wondering “Will he
Make it at this rap shit?” I don’t know, we’ll see
But Imma make a killing even if it kills me
Kills me

[Outro]
Kills me
Imma make a killing even if it kills me, kills me
Kills me
Imma make a killing even if it kills me