Jon, the Dead Husband

I remember I pause, I sit in bed
Worried about you what’s inside your head
You said you’d be here but you shoot instead
Now I feel empty
And now I feel dead
Now I feel empty
Life amounted to drugs
Is the heroine better, am I not enough?
Apparently not it must be good stuff
Straining to tell you it’s draining my love

I put my face down,
Crossed arms like your brother
I can’t come over because of your mother
She can’t accept that you might like dicks
Pause to remember you want to quit
But you can’t,
You’re too sad
You’re a drug addict just like your dad
They didn’t say where your grave was after you passed
And I still can’t look in the mirror and admit that this happened

Oh I love you but it’s time for divorce
It’s not reciprocated because you are no more
I want to love again without feeling guilty
It feels like your ghost is trying to bill me
For some dinner we had 5 years ago
You know that I love you now please god let go
You know that I love you now please god let go

I didn’t want to wake up from my nightmare because you are in it
Cause when I wake up I feel like I’m finished
Every positive is all still diminished
Till I pull it together and shut up and listen

It’s a mask that I put on to hide my tragic past
It’s a film of security over a cast
That keeps me together
That keeps me at ease
Still makes it hard to speak
still makes it hard to breathe
What do I say when I can’t hear my thoughts?
What do I say when clouded judgement fills my way?
What do I say when I shrug you off?
What do I do when these things prevent me from connecting to you,
When these things prevent me from connecting to you.

What do I do what do I do?
What do I do what do I do?

What do I do what do I do?
What do I do what do I do?

What do I do what do I do?
What do I do what do I do?

What do I do what do I do?
What do I do what do I do?