Johnny McEldoo

There was Johnny McEldoo and McGee and me
And a couple of two or three went on the spree one day
We had a bob or two, which we knew how to blew
And the beer and whiskey flew and we all felt gay

We visited McCann's, Maclaman's, Humpty Dan's
We then went into Swan's, our stomachs for to pack
We ordered out a feed, which indeed, we did need
And we finished it with speed, but we still felt slack

Johnny McEldoo turned red white and blue
As a plate of irish stew he soon put out of sight
He shouted out "Encore!" with a roar for some more
That he'd never felt before such a keen appetite

We ordered eggs and ham, bread and jam, what a cram
But him, we couldn't ram, though we tried our level best
For everything we brought, cold or hot, mattered not
It went down him like a shot but he still stood the test

He swallowed tripe and lard by the yard, we got scared
We thought it would go hard when the waiter brought the bill
Told him to give o'er, but he swore he could lower
Twice as much again and more before he had his fill

He nearly supped a trough full of broth. Says McGrath
"He'll devour the tablecloth if you don't hold him in"
When the waiter brought the charge, McEldoo felt so large
He began to scowl and barge and his blood went on fire

He began to curse and swear, tear his hair in despair
And to finish the affair, called the shop man a liar
The shop man, he threw out and no doubt, he did clout
McEldoo he kicked about like an old football

Tattered all his clothes, broke his nose, I suppose
He'd have killed him with a few blows in no time at all
McEldoo began to howl and to growl, by my soul
Threw an empty bowl at the shop keeper's head

Struck poor Mickey Flynn, peeled the skin from his chin
An a ruction did begin and we all fought and bled
The peelers did arrive, man alive, four or five
At us they made a drive for us all to march away
We paid for all the meat that we ate, stood a trait
And went home to ruminate on the spree that day