John McClane

[Keyboard Intro]

[Verse 1: Max Bemis]
Tiny man, chubby man
A trembling, scruffy, lazy man
Sculpting with my puffy hands
An idol to my pride's demands
Tonight, a need to be redeemed
I'm in the nude, inhaling ice cream
Talking to my dogs

[Pre-Chorus 1: Max Bemis]
See something I can believe in
It's just the jolt that I'm needing
Chew at the seam of this fracture
It's just the freedom I'm after
One night I'll fail to remember
One night apart from my gender
No phallic need for ambition
Help me escape from this kitchen

[Chorus: Max Bemis]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm wasted, I'm wasted, I'm wasted, I'm wasted
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm wasted, I'm wasted, I taste it

[Verse 2: Max Bemis]
Tiny mind, tiny mind
Someone flog my tiny mind
Internet has humped me blind
"I think I smoked too much this time!"
I hear the call of something pure
Luring me out of my door
So I'm headed out now

[Pre-Chorus 2: Max Bemis]
Into the throb of no-culture
Into the wreckage of altars
An altered state, and an ending
No petty, putrid pretending
Let's band together and belt it
Out to the marrow, they melted
You've got a finger, now use it
No need for ambivalent music

[Chorus]

[Harp Interlude]

[Outro: Max Bemis, Chris Conley, Matt Pryor]
And she said
"You rode my tongue like a tab of poison
I'm gonna wake with an anvil brain
And if you want, stumble home with me, boy
I'll be the Ripley to your John McClane, oh God
Amnesia is a revelation
I chew the root and the White House burns
And as my eyes tumble back in my head
My fate erupts, and my insides churn you out"