Jesus Thinks You’re A Jerk [Live At Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, NY 3/25/88]

[Verse 1]
There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time (Hoo)
In the name of The Lord

[Verse 2]
Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk
Would he really choose Tammy to do His Work?

[Bridge]
Let's just think about that for a moment
(Wa-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha!)

[Verse 3]
Robertson says that he's the one
Oh he sure is
If Armageddon is your idea of family fun
And he's got some planned for you!
Now, tell me that ain't true

[Verse 4]
Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay
Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicates that Jim must pay
And it just might hurt a bit
But keep that money rollin' in
Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Can't get enough of it

[Verse 5]
Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action olan
To give white trash a special break
When they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank, to the bank to the bank, to the bank
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down his love
While you all smell the glove

[Verse 6]
Jim and Pat should take a pole
Right up each saintly glory-hole
With tar and feathers, too
Just like they'd love to do to you
'Cause they think you are bad
And they are very mad
Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!
We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of micro-publicans raised on hate
And 'Jimbo-Jumbo' when they graduate

[Verse 7]
Convinced they are the chosen ones
And all their parents carry guns
And hold them cards in the N.R.A
With their fingers on the trigger
When they kneel and pray

[Verse 8]
With a Ku-Klux muumuu in the back of the truck
If you ain't Born Again
They wanna mess you up
Screamin' "No abortion, no-siree!
Life's too precious, can't you see!"
What's that hangin' from a neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like colored folks to me
Would they do that?
They've been doing it for years!
Seriously?

[Bridge]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic Eric Buxton

[Verse 9]
Imagine if you will
A multi-millionaire TV Evangelist
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator
Studied law, but is not qualified to practice it
Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program
Claims not to be a "Faith Healer,"
But has, in the past dealt sternly with everything from
Hemorrhoids to hurricanes
Involved with funding for an 'undeclared war' in Central America
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends
Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes'
Under investigation for sixteen months by the I.R.S
Claims to be a man of god
Currently seeking the United States presidency
Hoping we will all follow him into the
Twilight Zone

[Bridge]
Good work, Eric! Good!

[Verse 10]
What if Pat gets in the White House, even Eric?
No fuckin' way, Ike, he ain't getting in this time
And suddenly, ha-ha-ha!
He's gonna try again in '92
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Well?
Mysteriously?

[Verse 11]
Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an American Tragedy?
Oh-ho-ho-ho
Especially if he covers it up
And I mean that
Sayin' "Jesus told it to me!"
Just me, babe
Like we're tight, we're like this
I hope we never see that day
In the land of the free
Or someday will we?
Will we?

[Verse 12]
And if you don't know by now
The truth of what I'm tellin' you
Then, surely I have failed somehow
Sigh!
Surely I have failed somehow
Oh Tammy, isn't it romantic?
Surely I have failed somehow

[Verse 13]
And Jesus (Ow!)
Will think I'm a jerk, just like you
If you let those TV Preachers
Make a monkey out of you
Oh-oh oh-oh (Tell 'em up)
I said Jesus will think you're a jerk
And it would be true!

[Verse 14]
There's an old rugged cross
In the land of the cotton
They keep a-burnin' out there on the lawn
But those assholes are still just as rotten!

[Outro]
Jim and Tammy!
Whoa, baby!
You gotta go!
You really got to go!
Jim and Tammy got to go