Jesus: The Missing Years

[Intro]
Jesus, the Missing Years

[Verse 1]
It was raining, it was cold
West Bethlehem was no place for a twelve-year old
So he packed his bag and he headed out
To find out what the world's about

He went to France and went to Spain
He found love and he found pain
He found stores, so he started to shop
He had no money, so he got in trouble with a cop

Kids in trouble with the cops from Israel didn't have no home
So he cut his hair and moved to Rome
It was there, he met his Irish bride
And they rented a flat on the lower east side of Rome
Italy, that is

Music publishers, book binders
Bible belters, swimming pools
Orgies, and lots of pretty Italian chicks

[Chorus]
Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car
Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn't go that far
Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do
'Cause we all reside down the block inside 23 Skidoo

[Verse 2]
Wine was flowing, so were beers
So Jesus found his missing years
He went to a dance and said, "This don't move me"
He hiked up his pants and he went to a movie

On his thirteenth birthday, he saw Rebel Without A Cause
He went straight on home and invented Santa Claus
Who gave him a gift and he responded in kind
He gave the gift of love and went out of his mind

You see, him and the wife wasn't getting along
So he took out his guitar and he wrote a song
Called 'The Dove Of Love Fell Off The Perch'
But he couldn't get divorced in the Catholic Church
At least not back then, anyhow

Jesus was a good guy
He didn't need this shit
So he took a pill with a Coca-Cola
And he swallowed it

He discovered the Beatles
And he recorded with The Stones
Once he even opened up a three-way package
For old George Jones

[Chorus]
Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car
Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn't go that far
Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do
'Cause we all reside down the block inside of 23 Skidoo

[Verse 3]
The years went by like sweet little days
With babies crying pork chops and Beaujolais
When he woke up, he was seventeen
The world was angry, the world was mean

Why, the man down the street and the kid on the stoop
All agreed that life stank, all the world smelled like poop
Baby poop, that is
The worst kind

So he grew his hair long and he threw away his comb
Headed back to Jerusalem to find Mom and Dad and home
But when he got there, the cupboard was bare
Except for an old black man with a fishing rod

He said, "What you gonna be when you grow up?"
Jesus said, "God"
Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?
I'm a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood
They're gonna kill me, Mama, they don't like me, Bud

So Jesus went to Heaven, he went there awful quick
All them people killed him, he wasn't even sick
So, come and gather around me, my contemporary peers
And I'll tell you all the story of Jesus: The Missing Years

[Chorus]
Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car
Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn't go that far
Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do
'Cause we all reside down the block inside at 23 Skidoo