Jack of All Trades

Jack of all trades, master of none
Even got lost trying to find the M1
Ended up in South Shields with a couple of drunks

Moved to Crouch End, suburb of cool
Took a few drugs, acted the fool
Fell in love with a girl on her harmonium stool

Went round the world in the back of a van
We kept in touch with our only fan
He was short and sweet, lived in Japan

The band broke up round a pool in Bangkok
To tell you the truth it didn't come as a shock
Our days were numbered like the hands on a clock

So we carried on, me and the serious girl
Had massive hits all ’round the world
We got so big, we both became ill

I flew into London with a bit of a tan
Caught the train back to Sunderland to see my old man
We had bacon and eggs from the same frying pan

I took a walk down the High Street avoiding a scrap
"Are you Dave Stewart?"
"Yeah"
"You're crap"
Had a pint in the Beehive, then home for a nap

I got married in France to an Irish colleen
I was thirty three, she was only thirteen
I wore orange but she wore green

Now I sit and write plays for myself and my sons
They keep me amused, yeah, I have much more fun
Than big lines of speed at quarter to one
On a peaceful Sunday morning