It Serves Me Right (I Shouldn’t have Joined)

Ever since the days of old, the Navy's ruled the waves
For years they've told the world that Britons never shall be slaves
The Navy still remembers and you'll often hear them say
What Nelson told Napoleon upon Trafalgar Day

It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right
It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, you might have been sitting tight
You might have been in civvy street instead of in the fight
But it serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right
And it's no use kicking up a row because you're nobody's sweetheart now
You can weep and sigh and pipe your eye, but still you're in the fight
It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right

I wouldn't mind the Navy if the blinkin' ship were still
It's all this bobbin' up and down that makes me feel so ill
The sea's all right for sharks and whales and things the like of that But I'd rather stick me marlinspike in llkley Moor baht 'at

But it serves me right, I shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves me right
It serves me right, I shouldn't have joined, I might have been sitting tight
When I was cleanin' windows, I would keep 'em nice and bright
But now I'm polishin' portholes, rubbin' them up with all me might
And it's no use kicking up a row because I'm nobody's sweetheart now

One day up in the crow's nest I was feeling bright and gay
'Til the captain shouted, "Don't come down, we've taken the ship away"
I used to be a chimney sweep in dear ol' Wigan town
I used to do the lady's down the street for half a crown
But now I don't get nothin' for the little jobs I do
I wish I was in Wigan sweepin' Mrs Jones' flue

But it serves me right, I shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves me right
It serves me right, I shouldn't have joined, I might have been sitting tight
I thought in every port I'd get a cuddle every night
But all I've done is cuddle a gun and work up an appetite
And it's no use kicking up a row because I'm nobody's sweetheart now
There's a draft around me fore and aft, me jumper's much too tight
I've got barnacles on me binnacle and it ruddy well serves me right