It Does Not Pay to be Hip

Well, for a long time now I’ve been aware
That like I’m alright but like the world is square
So I’ll tell all you people you can take my tip
It does not pay to be hip
Now just last week I found myself in the red
With no way to meet my overhead
So like I went to my buddy
And asked him for some bread
And here is what he said:
He said, “You want white bread
Rye bread, pumpernickel, whole wheat
Cracked wheat, challa or bialy?”
I said, “Later”
He said, “You mean three or four o’clock?”
I said, “Later”
He said, “You mean Thursday or Friday?”
I said, “Forget it”
Now I was feelin uptight, so like I went to see the man
I heard he always had some stuff on hand
I said, “Tell me, baby, can you spare some pot?”
He said, “You’re welcome to anything I got
And I’ve got steel pots, brass pots, cast iron, aluminum
Pyrex, Winbex.”
I said, “Cool it”
He said, “You mean put it in the refrigerator?”
I said, “Cool it”
He said, “You mean turn on the air conditioning?”
I said, “Forget it”
Now I was feeling strung out
And hung up and brought down
There was nobody hip like in the whole damn town
So I run upon a chick, and she was long and tall
And asked her would she care to ball
And she said, “Football, baseball, volleyball, or basketball
Handball, pinball, bowling ball?”
I said, “You’re putting me on.”
She says, “On the train, on the plane
On the bus or on the sidewalk?”
I said, “I wanna make it”
She said, “Make what?”
I said, “A scene.”
I said, “I want to make a scene!”
She said, “Shakespeare, Clifford Odetts
Arthur Miller or Pirandello?”
I said, “Forget it”
She says, “you know what I’d like to do?”
I said, “No, what?”
And she said, “I’d like to make love to you”
And I said, “Go, baby, go!”
And she left