It Ain’t Me

[Verse 1]
I wash my truck on Saturdays 'cause Saturday's the day you wash your truck
And I don't like automated operated coin machines where I'll get stuck
So I wash it in the driveway 'cause that's my way to save a nickel and a dime
That's when I notice Mr. Johnson steppin' out to sneak a peek at my backside

[Verse 2]
Now, Kitty Johnson, bless her heart, she tries her hardest just to be the perfect wife
Cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but it ain't enough to keep him satisfied
Now, I've never said a word to that poor woman, but I can see it in her eyes
If looks could kill, then Kitty's got me hangin' like an apron on a line

[Chorus]
But it ain't me, it ain't me
You got it right, there's somethin' wrong, but it ain't me
No, it ain't me, it ain't me
I'm just workin' on my tan, I ain't worried 'bout your man
I understand but, damn, it ain't me

[Verse 3]
She's always talkin' 'bout me at her ladies' Bible study at the church
She puts me on the prayer list with the terrorists and the drag queens and the pervs
Next time she comes a-knockin' at my door to tell me I'm not ladylike
I'll tell her she can kiss my ass or she can keep her creepy husband stuck inside

[Chorus]
'Cause it ain't me, it ain't me
You got it right, there's somethin' wrong, but it ain't me
No, it ain't me, it ain't me
I'm just workin' on my tan, I ain't worried 'bout your man
I understand but, damn, it ain't me

[Outro]
Yeah, I'm just workin' on my tan, I ain't worried 'bout your man
I get it, ma'am, but, damn, it ain't me
It ain't me
It ain't me