If You’re a Baby Listen to This

[Intro]
Ah la la la
*baby crying*
Uh- no!
No, please. Stop
Oh my god. He's doing it again. (Yo what's wrong?)
Hey, sir, can you please come help me? (Yeah. Sure sure.)
He just won't stop crying
(I know exactly what to say to your child.)

[Verse]
Welcome to this world, you little stupid bitch
I love you so much. I promise you, you can not fathom it
I once heard that life's a bitch and I agree. So, there you go
I just had to let you know and set the tone, so now you know
Learn your ABCs and 123s and be just who you are
You can work inside of an office or you can be a fucking star
One sounds better, but that's just me
Do what you want, you're still my baby
Well, you're not mine and I'm not having kids
But if I do, I love you like this
Love your parents because you came out their butt
And love your foes because love everyone
Not literally that would be weird
If you are a girl, its hard to grow a beard
I'm just filling you in on life
Sometimes its trash, sometimes its nice
Animals are cool because they won't judge you
People aren't cool because they will judge you
You're just a baby, you don't understand
If you think you do understand, well, you are wrong
You don't understand
Memes are things that old people do
I don't agree, that's according to you
If you're a boy, you can make new babies
With your special boy goo
Goo goo ga ga
Boo boo bla bla
When you're older, tell me what that means
Everything anyone tells you is a lie
Yes, including me
Trust your friends and family, but fuck your friends and family
There's one truth to life and that's that: Doja Cat is mad at me
Hot stuff burns, but you won't understand until you get burnt
Life twists and turns
Wear a condom or your PP hurts
Don't hit a girl unless she is much older
It's okay to say that. Your bro has a boulder

Aye, baby count your money up with juice in your sippy cup, but
Money don't buy happiness, but money buys a bigger butt
You can be addicted to whatever fucking drug you want
There's a crowd for everyone
Just don't be like everyone
There is ten numbers in a cellphone address
Just a random fact, just in case you're wondering
Jealousy and anger make you look stupid
And love is just as real as Cupid

Baby, listen to me, I am telling you some trufies
When I was a baby, we had way better movies
When I was a baby, I was drinking on some boobies
If you are a baby, then you're very special to me
I'm so freaking happy you were born and I will always be
It is very easy to die, so please walk more carefully
I don't even know you, but I know you are the fucking shit
No matter what you do in life
Remember: Just Enjoy That Bitch!
(Because you're a baby!)
Baby this
Baby that
Listen to your mom and paps
Stupid baby. Fucking bitch
You don't even pay no rent
You be puking on your bib... fucking asshole

[Outro]
Welp, there you go. Your baby is just about all calmed down there, buddy
(Yeah! Yeah! I bet he is.)
Huh?
(You're just gonna sit here and like raise my fucking child?)
I was just saying some general things, I didn't really feel like I was... (Oh! General?)
Raising your baby or anything like that
(No, yeah. It wasn't general. You were literally telling my child how to live.)
Well, gee- I mean-
(Yeah!)
You were the one who fucking asked me for help
(Well, I needed help!)
Like calm down, nigga
(No, I'll fucking kill you!)
No, fuck you!
(Fuck you!)
Fuck you!
(Fuck you, buddy!)
Because I was just walking- I was just walking...
(Yeah! Why are you in here?)
Yea- Well don't fucking ask me why I'm in a hospital, buddy
(Uh-huh. Yeah. Why are you in here?)
Alright, I gotta go
(Fuck you. Piece of shit. Why don't you come talk?)
No, because you're just trying to argue with me at this point
(Yeah. I am trying to argue because you just raised my whole s- my whole child)
Dude, fuck you