If The “Harry Potter” Song Had Lyrics

Poor little young Harry Potter
Childhood sure was rough
Then one day appeared a man with a beard
Who told him 'bout magic stuff

At Hogwarts, he learned wizardry
Passed most of His O.W.L. tests
Excelled at sports, fought Voldemort, and yearly he cheated death     A lot like way too much

First, he took on bathroom trolls, and three headed doggies, Murdered a grown-ass man with his hands
Killed a giant serpent for the ghost in the potty
With a hot tip from a cold friend
And when the dementors went on face-sucking benders
He turned back time and went bucking wild
Thanks to yet another clutch assist from his freind Hermione
That's just her style

Oh, snap wait, I just had a very shocking realization
She is the true hero of the tale
Without her wits, bravery, and transfiguration
They'd all be dead or worse fail
I mean like come on

She set plans in motion, saved Elves, and brewed potions
Never once gave into fear
Though Harry was named head of Dumbledore's army
The whole thing was her idea
She socked Malfoy, not a big deal
He's a douche canoe, just wanted to mention it

And what does this hard-work bring her?
A little spineless scrub
How'd this badass witch, get hitched to this bitch?
J.K even knows she fawkesed up

Yes, Harry is the "Boy who lived"
As evidenced by his head
Although Hermione here is why that nincompoop isn't dead