If Somebody There Chanced to Be

If somebody there chanced to be
Who loved me in a manner true
My heart would point him out to me
And I would point him out to you
But here it says of those who point
Their manners must be out of joint
You may not point –
You must not point –
It's manners out of joint
To point!
Ah!

Had I the love of such as he
Some quiet spot he'd take me to
Then he could whisper it to me
And I could whisper it to you
But whispering, I've somewhere met
Is contrary to etiquette:
Where can it bе
Now let me see –
Yes, yеs! It's contrary to etiquette!

If any well-bred youth I knew
Polite and gentle, neat and trim
Then I would hint as much to you
And you could hint as much to him
But here it says, in plainest print
"It's most unladylike to hint" –
You may not hint
You must not hint –
It says you mustn't hint
In print!
Ah!

And if I loved him through and through –
(True love and not a passing whim)
Then I could speak of it to you
And you could speak of it to him
But here I find it doesn't do
To speak until you're spoken to
Where can it be?
Now let me see –
Yes, yes! "Don't speak until you're spoken to!"