If My Heart Had Wings

[Verse 1]
Seems like every now and then
I try to pick myself from these holes
But how can I expect to do that?
I don't even feel like picking up my phone
I'm stuck somewhere in-between one and someone there all the time
But sometimes I don't have enough energy to even stay on the line
'Cause I've been down and out
I've been down this road
And I know that it ends in nowhere
But still herе I go
'Cause it's all I know
And there's comfort in bеing [?]

[Chorus]
If my heart had wings
I'd fly away far
Far from the light
'Cause I like the dark
If my heart had wings
'Cause in the dark
All those mirrors don't shine
And I never have to look myself in the eyes
If my heart had wings
I'd say bye to this world I despise
And I'd fly to the heavens above
If my heart had wings
Maybe then I'd regain some respect
For myself, and I'd love who I was
If my heart had wings

[Verse 2]
I just wish that I could know my purpose
Everything I got, I feel like I don't deserve it
My entire life, I've been out there searching
But I'm always cold inside like a thermos
I got hated on for being me
So I started hating who I was
And ever since that moment
I ain't never been the same
Self hatred is a drug
And I'm addicted
Not by decision
But by association with the wicked
And every time I try to kick it
Life looks at me and doubles up on my prescription
The man in the reflection I despise
I've tried to change him, but it's every time
I try to force him forward, he enjoys the torture
Wants it more, and goes to hit rewind
I'm stuck in a cycle of pain and denial
I've stomached more than I could take
Feels like the older I'm getting
The more I'm forgetting
How simple life was in the day
Back when happiness was my default emotion
The past I picked was filled with rocky roads
And I scream when I think about the life I've chosen
'Cause sometimes I don't wanna be a soldier
I just wanna be a man
Simple life, simple goals, simple plans
God help, I've got a lot to love in my life
But one of them isn't myself
And everyone I love deserves better
My girl, my family, my friends, and my fans
They need the best that I can give 'em
But I cannot do that when the pain never ends
So please, grant me this wish
Let me fly so I can be at my best, and I'll show it
And if my heart don't grow wings
I'll rip it right out of my chest, and I'll throw it

[Chorus]
If my heart had wings
I'd fly away far
Far from the light
'Cause I like the dark ('Cause I like the dark)
If my heart had wings
'Cause in the dark
All those mirrors don't shine
And I never have to look myself in the eyes (Look myself in the eyes)
If my heart had wings
I'd say bye to this world I despise
And I'd fly to the heavens above (Fly to the heavens above)
If my heart had wings
Maybe then I'd regain some respect
For myself, and I'd love who I was
If my heart had wings