I Would Pay $999

[Intro: SAMTIME]
Oh boy! It's Apple WWDC Day
I wonder what exciting products Apple has announced
And the pricing structure they've attached to them
Let's find out!

[Verse 1: Tim Cook and SAMTIME]
Tim Cook came out
And he said
"Oh boy, now do we have something extra special here
To show to you (Woo-hoo)"
The new Mac Pro, 6K Retina Display
High Dynamic Range, Sophisticated Stand (Stand?)
It can go up...
And down, and around
You can tilt it to any angle you want
(Cool)
And detaches
With magnet-assisted latches
To swap the display out for any one you choose
("Huh, okay. I suppose it'll come in handy maybe once or [slight pause] twice
Uh, how many displays is it compatible with?")
One

[Chorus: Tim Cook]
And I will charge five-hundred dollars
And I will charge four-ninety-nine more
Just to be the man to charge
One thousand dollars
For a stick, with a hinge on it

[Sudden Interruption: Tim Cook and SAMTIME]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
Did you just say "A thousand dollars?"
(Heh-heh
I know, right?)

[Verse 2: Tim Cook and SAMTIME]
We save you money
Now listen up, this isn't funny
We take an iMac, and
We take the Mac part out
We'll have no complainin'
About just how much you are saving
'Cause I got another deal right here
To help you out (Better be good)
Take out an A[pple] loan
Make this an Apple Card expense
And you can go into debt
To save three percent
(Just three percent?)
Jump on a payment plan
Because the bank will understand
"Oh, you bought one of those new Apple Mac Pro Display stands"
(*sigh*. You know what, Tim? If you put it THAT way...)

[Chorus: Tim Cook and SAMTIME]
I will spend five hundred dollars
And I will spend four-ninety-nine more
To be the man who spent
One thousand dollars, on a stand
Made of soda cans

[Bridge: SAMTIME]
It's aluminum [British pronunciation]
Or aluminum [American pronunciation]
Cost the rent of a condominium
Or a 1997 Chevrolet
Why buy an iPhone (Or a computer)?
Can't you see? I'm a "Pro" user
And "Pro" is another way to say that
You have gotta pay

[Verse 3: SAMTIME]
Then I woke up
Realized it's not a dream
The nightmare price was ten foot tall
Right on the screen
People spoke up
So Apple started censoring
"Please leave your feedback on the official-"
Eat a dick!
Disappointed, disappointed
At the EA-level greed
You're adding insult to what was now a nice ice cream
'Cause for a thousand (For a thousand)
They got the same thing, on eBay
With a com-puter and a keyboard and a mouse and a big display
Oh yeah, or I could just buy
Two 4K displays...

[Chorus: SAMTIME]
So, I won't spend five-hundred dollars
And I won't spend four-ninety-nine more
On a fancy thing you can't even see
"Who cares if it's ugly?", behind the scenes

[Bridge: Tim Cook and SAMTIME]
Rather buy a camera, or a Camry
Rent a popstar, or a factory
Fly to Bangkok, Japan, Fiji, or Taiwan
Buy a gold bar, another used car
Three more iPads, Barbara Streisand
"I mean, she can't be charging all that much these days"
You started off, we were so happy
Had the audience feeling fappy
"I was one more thing from going all the way..."
But I admit, upon reflection
That the price lost my erection
And now, I wonder how you plan to get it back
"Well?" (Oh, my goodness, yes... I get it now!)

[Chorus: Tim Cook and SAMTIME]
You won't pay five-hundred dollars
And you won't pay four-ninety-nine more
("That's right") 'Cause you couldn't afford
The first thing I mentioned
Or the second, or the third, so get out of my store...

[Outro: SAMTIME]
"You, I don't care! I don't even like your stuff anyway!
I'm perfectly happy with my... Blackberry
They just shut down BBM
The whole company's probably next."