I Wish I Was Tex Perkins

I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins

I wish I was Tex Perkins
He's a killer with the ladies
He's every sun kissed Aussie girls
Favourite kind o' shady

Lascivious, oblivious, in his gasoline stained dacks
He waits to meet your daughter on the wrong side of the tracks

He's every high flying business womans idea of rough trade
Even brainy feminists queue up to be enslaved
He flings his tradesmans ladder up to your wifes balustrade
He goes on like that endless road, he just keeps getting laid

He stands astride your bedhead with those slightly bandy legs
Two thousand girls call him in the night, no one ever calls him Greg
No meat and three veg suburbia for this man, if you please
He is Tex Perkins, he eats roots and leaves

I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins

What is Tex short for?
You know, just by way of subtext
Did he work with Skasey at Qintex
Or, in his case that'd be Quim-tex?

Is his cerebral cortex
So massive its a vortex?
Or is his heart so wounded
Its all wrapped up in Gore-tex

Hmm, I lost your interest
To get it back in context
His name is probably rhyming slang
For "Totally Unlimited Hot Sex"

I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins

I wish I was Tex Perkins, though I'm worried about his smoking
I can't see TP on an IV in some hospital bed choking
But that's how we're different he don't worry 'bout no future
He don't think about a cancerous football bladder bursting from a suture
He don't think about amputation, the surgeons circular saw
Sorry, I got a bit morbid there, I really should get out more

Lets get back to why
Tex is our kinda guy
Unlike me, he doesn't need
A persona in which to hide

He doesn't need my cowboy hat, my crappy re-invention
He never had to say "Suppose a root's outta the question?"
With his magnetic crotch, he's quick to scotch mere trifles like these
He is Tex Perkins, he eats roots and leaves

I wish I was
He ain't no Bertolt Brecht
I wish I was
But the ladies sure connect
I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins

I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins
I wish I was Tex Perkins