I Will Get a Vasectomy

[Intro]
I just wanna show my appreciation to how much I love kids and teens between the ages of twelve and seventeen

[Verse 1]
Why, are kids so fucking stupid?
Did their parents not beat them hard
Enough-enough-enough?
I try, to empathize with teens
'Cause when I was younger
I was stupid too-too-too (It's true)
But then I realized
That I was never this stupid
My friends were never this stupid
Y'all are just dense-dense-dense
Like damn, I'm really, really concerned
I wish your father would use that
Wooden spoon-spoon-spoon

[Interlude]
Just fucking beat them already!
I was being ironic man, what a fucking loser! Do you have-

[Verse 2]
Listen kids, being edgy is okay
But the same ten jokes in a row
That's not okay-okay-okay
Like damn... is that all you can come up with?
If you're gonna be racist
At least be original, please
(Yeah, we're dead serious)
If you're under seventeen
Please don't ever talk to me
You think this is part of the act
But please don't come near me

[Outro]
Dude, get a load of this guy! He's never heard of irony before! What a fucking loser, dude!
Jimmy, it's past your bedtime!
Dad? Dad, no!
It's past your bedtime, get back to bed!
I was just being ironic!
I don't care!
No dad, please!
No, you're being a piece of shit! Take these spanks, you little bitch!
Daddy, please! Daddy, please!
Who do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?! Talking, talking to people on the internet like you're some piece of shit, calling irony
*crying* I was just being ironic!
Take these fucking spanks, you dumbass kid! I should've never given birth to you, you piece of shit. Take that, I'm out of here, son
*sobbing* I was being ironic!
If I should even call you son
Daddy, have you ever heard of irony before? Oh...

I was just kidding, that crying was ironic, I wasn't actually crying
What the fuck did you just say? You want me to come back here? Huh?!
No—, nothing, daddy! Nothing!
That's what I fucking thought, go back to bed, it's 9 P.M.!