I Went So Willingly/49

Trying to forget
The hardest part of trying to forget
Is the remembering forgetting brings back

I thought you were like the things that have happened
Things and thoughts I'd put away
But you are you
More than can just be put away
How frivolous of me to assume I could
Regard you as a thing or a thought

Trying to forget only makes me remember
Emotions we share in our spirit hearts
The delights and the anger so vital
Our wildness making us quick to burn
Bridges behind us and ahead of us
Changing compromise to submit
Looking for happiness finding regret

Sometimes you appear
It's in a song, a phrase
Sometimes it's a laugh near
Sometimes it's a vision of you near
To me or a remembrance of a touch
A kiss or some silly thought we shared

Times are I wonder what went wrong
Maybe our impatience stopped us from
Taking the time to learn
What we thought we already knew
Trying to forget
Only makes me remember you

When you left I knew you had to go
Water came into my eyes
I cried then I laughed
Because sometimes I just don't know
I wanted you to stay
But you weren't really here anyway
Or if you were it was for just awhile

I've run it through my mind
And rerun it through my heart
I loved you more than I could say or show
Like I say I loved you more
But that's something only I could know

Water came into my eyes
I cried then I laughed
What's the difference anyway
Laughing and crying the
Tears taste just the same
I held you but I didn't hold you
And in the end I guess
I only kept myself

Her beauty is like a dancer in the night
Carrying rhythms others can only imagine
Everyone wanted her yet no one kept her
Beyond a fleeting moment
When all seemed right

She left on her own
Driven away by what they had
To keep to themselves
He was one of those thinking to claim
What others took long ago

They could never share the secrets
For their secrets are shames mistakes kept quietly
Making noise only when crashing down
Upon them like invisible walls
Not able to stand on their own when
They sold beauty for things their
Hearts never understood

Pretending what others could not see
Was connected to reality
They made it easy to believe
But almost impossible to live
Together they traded depth for surfaces
Trading until they traded it all away
For misunderstandings

Her beauty is like a danger in the night
Carrying rhythms others can only imagine
Everyone wanted her yet no one kept her
Beyond a fleeting moment
When all seemed right

I went so willingly thinking about
Knowing the beauty of your face
Your smile, Your charm
Dazzle these sometimes broken eyes

Your spoken thoughts of love
And laughter placed the chains
Around me so tightly
I didn't know at first

I went so willingly thinking about
Knowing the beauty of your face
Things went wrong, they often do
You grew to need me less
I went into needing you more

One day seeing we were both in a pretty prison
All I could do was escape
I went so willingly thinking about
Knowing the beauty of your face

Like a butterfly with a fading heart
She needed someone to care for her
When she couldn't find it she ran back
To the mistakes

Anger an uncomfortably comfortable
Emotion greedily spread over those
Who love her
Safer than taking a chance

What we try to hide we never can
Beyond placing it in ourselves
Wounds voluntarily inflicted
Creating our own betrayal

Worrying about being used
As we use up our time
Scaring away the balance

Mental M-16's mowing down the enemy
Insecurity turning trust into targets
In a battle we don't understand
With industrial greed the victor

Like a butterfly with a fading heart
She needed someone to care for her

All that was left were the pictures she took
Capturing the past in a prison
Not unlike the one they locked
Themselves in

She said goodbye the other day
Loving him was lonely
Lonely as she'd ever been
her life was standing in a space
Where laughter was a disguise she wore
As a shield to protect the world

She said goodbye the other day
Her feelings couldn't be helped
It wasn't anything he'd done
It was just that the prisons
Building around her
Separated even him from knowing
Laughter was a disguise she wore

She said goodbye the other day
She felt our of place
Looking for a place
Her American dream
Hadn't prepared her for this
She felt programmed somehow
She had to find the way to where
Laughter is real
And disguises aren't necessary

All that was left were the pictures she took