I Trap You

Love is a self-made thing
I am free
I stare at the air and I see patterns
And your name is a song in my chest
The taste is metallic
How many billions walk this planet?
I feel them, I feel them
You show me my mass
Love is an endless sky
An endless cliché that imagines itself to be deep revelation
An open face, n open palm, n open plain
All open
The more that we close it the less that we know it
And just ‘cause I know it
Don’t mean I know how to show it
They’re taking everything from us and telling us nothing is ours
But here we are, dancing
You make me a microscope
You make me a map
I called it "love," I should have called it "trap"
"I trap you," I should have said tenderly
At the end of a long day
While we kept each other desperately stagnant
"I trap you so much"
Yes, I want you to be happy, but don’t threaten my happiness
Can’t you see I’m walking this threadbare tightrope?
Made out of dental floss stitched together with strands of tobacco and dog hair
And it stretches between two precious fantasies
My fantasy of me and my fantasy of you
And beneath, in raging red chopped razor teeth states of fury
Are all my insecurities
And all the little lies I like to tell myself
And every other reason that I can’t see the truth
"I trap you so much!"
I should have whispered in your ear as we fell asleep
Bodies unbound, sheets soaked, hearts hammering
If I see it clear, will it stay clear?
Will it be clear when you’re here?
I don’t want fear, I don’t want greed
I want freedom, I want to be free
I want you to be free, I want to nourish
I don’t want to feed like some ravenous mouth
With no guts, only greed, endless appetite
Need, need, need
You can’t free me, I free me, I breathe
If I am in pieces, is it easier to see?
I think I am whole now
I think I am more whole
But I still check my phone 17 times a minute
To see if you called and I missed it
Trap
Love is a self-made thing
Love is a self-made trap