I Never Loved Myself Because

You know, you'd have a dude come in, and, like
He’d lost his family, or he, you know, he'd, he'd lost his kids and been taken away by the courts, and he’s drinking or a woman who addicted to heroin, and she's
And finally, they're getting their lives back together and you just
You know, they say, like, listen for the similarities not the differences
In my life sometimes I'd always wanted to listen for differences because
Differencеs gave me an ability to separatе me from other people
And if I'm just me by myself then I know that I'm, I'm okay
Because it's the only thing I’ve ever known
The only way I’ve ever been okay
Really is by being by myself
I don't know an okay where I’m attached to others
You know, where I trust others at, like, a, a place deeper than my own feelings, a place that I don't really know
But, for the first time, in these rooms I could do it
You know, for the first time, in these rooms like, I started, like
Man, I had love for people I did not even know
And then in moments and still this stuff kinda comes slow but I started to have love for myself, you know
And the hardest thing for me to do in my life has been to love myself because
You know, somewhere, uh, in my life In my story
Or when I was young or I don't know when
You know, I think just because of
You know, maybe my dad being so old and, you know, my mom Not feeling like my mother cared about me or whatever
It's not a sob story I’m not telling you that but I'm just telling you that

[Chorus]
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because of
Somewhere in my past and a long time before that
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because, uh
You know, I just have felt like
I wasn't worth it

You know, and it's sad, it's tough to kinda admit some of that
And it wasn't a choice I made even, like, consciously it's not like somebody said, “Hey, are you worth loving yourself?”
I woulda said, “Yes”
But somewhere deeper than that
Like somewhere when I was young or when I don't know
But just somewhere before that
You know, I just decided that I wasn't
You know, I just looked at my surroundings and, I don't know, I just felt
My life or whatever the recipe was that was in my life I looked at that
And I was like, “oh yeah”
Yeah, you're not
You don't deserve or you're not good or you're bad, you're a bad person or something I don't know
I still don't know, uh, there's still a lot for me to learn
Anyway, this story's a little bit emotional for me but
This is the story that I tell

Chorus]
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because of
Somewhere in my past and a long time before that
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because
I never really loved myself because, uh
You know, I just have felt like
I wasn't worth it