I Miss You

[Verse 1]
When I was seven, I would fantasize and dream
I thought about potential, all the things I could achieve
A couple months from twenty and I’m barely getting sleep
More focused on the money than the people that I reach
I started talkin’ to this girl I’ve known forever
Back then we split apart, and now we find ourselves together
She’s staying at my place, but I don’t feel like I’ve met her
Cause I’m hidin’ what I am with these road trips and sweatеrs
She doesn’t see the darknеss but she feels it, I can tell
Soon, see I’m heartless when she knows the way I feel
Like nothin’ ever touch me, and she knows that I’m ashamed
In the ways I numb the pain, and the picture that I paint
I was clean 100 days, then I threw it all away
Cause the pressure that I place to be the greatest
Obsessin’ on reception from the public on my latest
Thought I had substance, but all that was the fakest
My emotions on another plane
And I’m just prayin’ that I do the same
I’m just prayin’ that I find escapes
That are healthy and don’t fill me with this self-hate
Another fuck up, I’m at hell’s gates
And my family is far away
With my brothers, but no guarantee I’m gonna stay
So I’ve been plannin’ for my life inside another state
I can either be alone or I can play it safe
That’s the question that I can’t address
Like was I wrong to pick poems over passin’ tests?
Do I have a special somethin’ findin’ me success?
Or will I be a foolish failure when I’m laid to rest?
I just wanna make myself proud
But lately compliments don’t make a sound
I’ve been different, base it solely off of who’s around
Crazy highs always coupled with these crazy downs, like I’m trippin’
Was attached to her in February, dropped it off in fall
She stuck with me through everything and now we never talk
This shit was my choice, and I didn’t give it closure
But now she can be happy, cause what we had is over
I’m overworked but I could never rest
Cause I could be exceptional, it’s in my chest
They ain’t bringin’ what I can so if I’m not the best
It’s cause I’m actin’ like nothing that I could be
Got a glimpse of my potential and I’m shook
I’m lucky cause the bulk of us don’t even get to look
I sabotage the love that I was given with no hesitation
I’ve been scared to act, tellin’ me it’s only patience
Cause if I told 'em what I’m really thinkin
If they saw the shit I did when I was with my demons
I stuck a knife inside the back of someone tryna free me
Said it’s love, gave it to a stranger with no feeling
I don’t call my dad, I don’t take the time to see him
When I was growing up, all I wanna do is be him
Now I wanna have a Ghost that he can ride inside
Bring my family up a level from a nine to five
Give my brother fifty thousand for a watch
His birthday is tomorrow but I’m feelin’ like it’s not
Cause even though I’m trying, I still just ain’t my mom
I don’t know who to be, who I am is what I lost, yeah

I fucking miss all you